Everybody's Fancy, Everybody's Fine
The title is a quote from a Mr. Roger's Song. My mom reminded me of this song when I told her that Soren has been asking a lot of questions about his body, my body and why they are different. Here are the complete lyrics:
Everybody's Fancy
By Fred Rogers
"Some are fancy on the outside.
Some are fancy on the inside.
Everybody's fancy.
Everybody's fine.
Your body's fancy and so is mine.
Boys are boys from the beginning.
Girls are girls right from the start.
Everybody's fancy.
Everybody's fine.
Your body's fancy and so is mine.
Girls grow up to be the mommies.
Boys grow up be the daddies.
Everybody's fancy.
Everybody's fine.
Your body's fancy and so is mine.
I think you're a special person
And I like your ins and outsides.
Everybody's fancy.
Everybody's fine.
Your body's fancy and so is mine."
This was the perfect introduction to the questions that have been pouring out of my Soren's little brain. For example, 'Mommy, when I get bigger, will my pee pee fall off like yours did?' To this, I said, 'Mine didn't fall off because I never had one. Girls don't have pee pees.' (Yes, we use the word 'pee pee' for 'penis'. I had a hard time saying 'penis' in reference to my tiny baby. I'm getting over it.)
'What do you have, Mommy? How do you pee? Out of your bottom?'
'Good question, Soren. No, I don't pee out of my bottom. I have another place where pee comes out.'
'What is it called?'
'It's called a urethra.'
At this point, I decided to stop and regroup, because I knew what would come next. I told him I needed to do a little research before I could answer more questions. He was fine with that. I've read a lot about how to talk to children about their bodies and the most important theme is, answer the questions they ask very honestly openly. Use the real words for their parts. Explain how the parts work and what they're for. There is nothing to be ashamed of. There's nothing to fear or be embarrassed about.
I found some simple diagrams of female and male anatomy and showed him the way his body works and the way my body works. When he asked to see my private parts, I explained that those are my 'private parts' and that they are just for me, just like his private parts are just for him. I explained that he shouldn't touch other people's private parts because it's not appropriate (rather than 'bad' or 'wrong'). I also explained that, if he needs to touch his own (to scratch or explore) he needs to do that in private. Again, not because it's a 'bad' thing to do, just a 'private' thing to do. This was pretty much how my mom handled these questions with me when I started asking them. I was about the age Soren is now. When I was four and she was pregnant with my sister, I asked how the baby got in her body. She told me. She gave me simple, clear, honest answers. She talked about 'seeds and eggs'. She said something like, 'when a man and a woman love each other very much they get very close and they can choose to make a baby'. That wasn't enough for me, so she told me everything.
I really think it's because my mother was so open and honest about sex that I have a very healthy attitude about my body and sex. I want the same for my sons. Luckily, my husband is also very comfortable talking about these things and he will be an excellent role model when it comes to being a respectful, healthy gentleman. I think it's very appropriate that these questions came up so close to Father's Day!!
Everybody's Fancy
By Fred Rogers
"Some are fancy on the outside.
Some are fancy on the inside.
Everybody's fancy.
Everybody's fine.
Your body's fancy and so is mine.
Boys are boys from the beginning.
Girls are girls right from the start.
Everybody's fancy.
Everybody's fine.
Your body's fancy and so is mine.
Girls grow up to be the mommies.
Boys grow up be the daddies.
Everybody's fancy.
Everybody's fine.
Your body's fancy and so is mine.
I think you're a special person
And I like your ins and outsides.
Everybody's fancy.
Everybody's fine.
Your body's fancy and so is mine."
This was the perfect introduction to the questions that have been pouring out of my Soren's little brain. For example, 'Mommy, when I get bigger, will my pee pee fall off like yours did?' To this, I said, 'Mine didn't fall off because I never had one. Girls don't have pee pees.' (Yes, we use the word 'pee pee' for 'penis'. I had a hard time saying 'penis' in reference to my tiny baby. I'm getting over it.)
'What do you have, Mommy? How do you pee? Out of your bottom?'
'Good question, Soren. No, I don't pee out of my bottom. I have another place where pee comes out.'
'What is it called?'
'It's called a urethra.'
At this point, I decided to stop and regroup, because I knew what would come next. I told him I needed to do a little research before I could answer more questions. He was fine with that. I've read a lot about how to talk to children about their bodies and the most important theme is, answer the questions they ask very honestly openly. Use the real words for their parts. Explain how the parts work and what they're for. There is nothing to be ashamed of. There's nothing to fear or be embarrassed about.
I found some simple diagrams of female and male anatomy and showed him the way his body works and the way my body works. When he asked to see my private parts, I explained that those are my 'private parts' and that they are just for me, just like his private parts are just for him. I explained that he shouldn't touch other people's private parts because it's not appropriate (rather than 'bad' or 'wrong'). I also explained that, if he needs to touch his own (to scratch or explore) he needs to do that in private. Again, not because it's a 'bad' thing to do, just a 'private' thing to do. This was pretty much how my mom handled these questions with me when I started asking them. I was about the age Soren is now. When I was four and she was pregnant with my sister, I asked how the baby got in her body. She told me. She gave me simple, clear, honest answers. She talked about 'seeds and eggs'. She said something like, 'when a man and a woman love each other very much they get very close and they can choose to make a baby'. That wasn't enough for me, so she told me everything.
I really think it's because my mother was so open and honest about sex that I have a very healthy attitude about my body and sex. I want the same for my sons. Luckily, my husband is also very comfortable talking about these things and he will be an excellent role model when it comes to being a respectful, healthy gentleman. I think it's very appropriate that these questions came up so close to Father's Day!!
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