50 Years of Marriage!
Today is the 50th Anniversary party for my husband's parents. They met in grade school and started dating in high school. They eloped when they were very, very young. Yes, I said they eloped. I think they were 20 years old. Did I mention they're still married?! Talk about something to celebrate.
I've gotten to know Bill's parents pretty well over the last seven years. I don't even really think of them as 'Bill's parents' anymore. They are 'Mom and Dad' and they are truly my family, too. I enjoy them, rely on them, trust them and love them. I'm just as comfortable at their house as I am at my own. I know how unusual that is. Most of my friends do not talk about their in-laws in a favorable way. There are issues. There are uncomfortable situations. There's the whole, 'they-don't-do-it-the-way-my-family-does-it' thing. Trust me, there was a time when I felt nervous and uncomfortable with Bill's parents. It didn't last long, but for the first six months or so, I felt like I had something to prove. Bill was married before. We dated right after his divorce and broke up six months later. He dated a couple of other women and then someone very serious for several years. I think they thought he would marry her, or at least that they would stay together. When that didn't happen and Bill and I got back together, they must have been confused. They might have been a little sad, too. It's understandable. When someone becomes part of your family, it's hard to let them go. So, I knew all of these details and I was nervous. They were never anything but lovely and welcoming to me, but I was still intimidated. Probably because I loved Bill so much and wanted it to work so very badly. I wanted them to like me. I was trying a little too hard.
Bill's mom, Cathy, can put anyone at ease. She's funny and warm and can talk to anyone. She's just easy to be with. Also, she's enough like my own mom that I felt an instant connection with her. Bill's dad, Chuck, was another story. He's powerful. He's strong. He's a kind of hard to get to know. He scared the shit out of me, at first. That doesn't happen to me often. I don't know what it is about Chuck, but if you met him, you would know exactly what I'm talking about. It's not that he said anything scary or mean, to the contrary, he's interesting, kind and very smart. But he doesn't miss a thing. He pays attention. He doesn't pretend. He says what he thinks.
However, I can tell you the moment when I knew I would love Bill's dad forever. We were sitting outside on their deck and drinking Limoncello. He had just returned from a reunion with some of the men who were in his unit during Vietnam. He told some stories about these guys and was beyond moved by his words. He got a little choked up at one point and I put my hand on his. He looked at me and I knew that there was so much goodness and love in him. Then, when Bill and I got engaged, Chuck took me aside in the kitchen and said, 'Now I have another daughter.' He meant it. They treat me like a daughter, not a daughter-in-law.
So, for all of these reasons, I don't think anyone expected Bill and I to stay together, get engaged, get married and start a family. I think it's safe to say that they're pleasantly surprised and so am I! I am so fortunate to have married into the Donabedian family. They are amazing people.
I'm going to ask them what their secret is at the party today. They must have figured something out about marriage that so many people don't get. I know it's about commitment and honoring the vows they took. But I'm sure there's a lot more to it. I'll be sure to tell you what they say...
I've gotten to know Bill's parents pretty well over the last seven years. I don't even really think of them as 'Bill's parents' anymore. They are 'Mom and Dad' and they are truly my family, too. I enjoy them, rely on them, trust them and love them. I'm just as comfortable at their house as I am at my own. I know how unusual that is. Most of my friends do not talk about their in-laws in a favorable way. There are issues. There are uncomfortable situations. There's the whole, 'they-don't-do-it-the-way-my-family-does-it' thing. Trust me, there was a time when I felt nervous and uncomfortable with Bill's parents. It didn't last long, but for the first six months or so, I felt like I had something to prove. Bill was married before. We dated right after his divorce and broke up six months later. He dated a couple of other women and then someone very serious for several years. I think they thought he would marry her, or at least that they would stay together. When that didn't happen and Bill and I got back together, they must have been confused. They might have been a little sad, too. It's understandable. When someone becomes part of your family, it's hard to let them go. So, I knew all of these details and I was nervous. They were never anything but lovely and welcoming to me, but I was still intimidated. Probably because I loved Bill so much and wanted it to work so very badly. I wanted them to like me. I was trying a little too hard.
Bill's mom, Cathy, can put anyone at ease. She's funny and warm and can talk to anyone. She's just easy to be with. Also, she's enough like my own mom that I felt an instant connection with her. Bill's dad, Chuck, was another story. He's powerful. He's strong. He's a kind of hard to get to know. He scared the shit out of me, at first. That doesn't happen to me often. I don't know what it is about Chuck, but if you met him, you would know exactly what I'm talking about. It's not that he said anything scary or mean, to the contrary, he's interesting, kind and very smart. But he doesn't miss a thing. He pays attention. He doesn't pretend. He says what he thinks.
However, I can tell you the moment when I knew I would love Bill's dad forever. We were sitting outside on their deck and drinking Limoncello. He had just returned from a reunion with some of the men who were in his unit during Vietnam. He told some stories about these guys and was beyond moved by his words. He got a little choked up at one point and I put my hand on his. He looked at me and I knew that there was so much goodness and love in him. Then, when Bill and I got engaged, Chuck took me aside in the kitchen and said, 'Now I have another daughter.' He meant it. They treat me like a daughter, not a daughter-in-law.
So, for all of these reasons, I don't think anyone expected Bill and I to stay together, get engaged, get married and start a family. I think it's safe to say that they're pleasantly surprised and so am I! I am so fortunate to have married into the Donabedian family. They are amazing people.
I'm going to ask them what their secret is at the party today. They must have figured something out about marriage that so many people don't get. I know it's about commitment and honoring the vows they took. But I'm sure there's a lot more to it. I'll be sure to tell you what they say...
Comments
Post a Comment