Find Something to Celebrate!
I've enjoyed seeing my boys in all their iterations, so far. Soren has been on this planet for four years. Nine months of that time was spent in body. Kieran is eight months, so my memories of his infancy are still very fresh. I remember the first flutters and kicks so clearly. I remember what it felt like to hold them for the first time and look into their beautiful faces. Those moment of recognition and overwhelming love are forever burned in my memory. I remember the complete peace and contentment of nursing them and knowing that I could provide everything they needed, emotionally and physically. I remember aching for them whenever I left them with someone else, even for a short time. Now, I don't ache for them in the same way, but I do miss them. I'm so happy when we're reunited. I feel complete when both of my boys and my husband are with me. I am happy and fulfilled.
All that being said, I'm so glad that Soren's not a baby anymore. He's moving on, as we all are moving on. We walk into our futures with every step we take. I will do my best to show both of my boys how beautiful the world can be. I will try to give them all kinds of good choices. That being said, I know he will discover his own choices, some that haven't even occurred to me. I might not like all the choices he makes. When that happens, it will be my job to get out of his way and let him make those choices. He will have to learn from his own mistakes and find his own path in this world. I will need to know when it is time to let him go. I hope I will watch him with wonder and amazement, rather than judgement. I hope I will help him celebrate his successes and let him learn from his own failures. I hope I can allow him to teach me. He's already teaching me things about him and about myself. I've learned more being a mother than I ever thought possible, and there's so much more to learn. I don't want him to think I have all the answers because I don't. And, even if I think I've found the answers that work for me, I know he will need to find his own. I hope to keep growing and changing as he grows and changes. That is the example I would like to set.
I know both my boys will be good men. I'm looking forward to every iteration of them both. I know my influence is limited, but important. I know that control isn't something I want or need. I want them to be in control of their own choices and futures. Soren already shows signs of very logical thinking. He is a rational being, even at three years old. It happens so fast that it's hard for parents to see it sometimes. But, the sooner we can recognize that our children are ready for the next step in their development, the sooner we can let them become independent from us. That is our goal, isn't it?
So, while I will always cherish the memories I have of my children, I will continue to look to the future, both for myself and for them. I will not get stuck as the 'mommy' of little boys. I will always be their mother, but the relationship will continue to change. When my boys become men, I hope we can give each other the space and respect we all deserve. I don't want my boys to seek my approval. I want them to seek their own. There will come a day when it no longer matters what I think. There will come a day when I won't even be around to tell them what I think. When that day comes, I want them to be prepared. This isn't about morbid gloom and doom. This is about reality. This is the stuff of life.
Whew. It is getting awfully deep in here! I think I'll go back to enjoying my birthday with my boys. I hope you get to enjoy your day, too! Even if today isn't your birthday, find something to celebrate!
All that being said, I'm so glad that Soren's not a baby anymore. He's moving on, as we all are moving on. We walk into our futures with every step we take. I will do my best to show both of my boys how beautiful the world can be. I will try to give them all kinds of good choices. That being said, I know he will discover his own choices, some that haven't even occurred to me. I might not like all the choices he makes. When that happens, it will be my job to get out of his way and let him make those choices. He will have to learn from his own mistakes and find his own path in this world. I will need to know when it is time to let him go. I hope I will watch him with wonder and amazement, rather than judgement. I hope I will help him celebrate his successes and let him learn from his own failures. I hope I can allow him to teach me. He's already teaching me things about him and about myself. I've learned more being a mother than I ever thought possible, and there's so much more to learn. I don't want him to think I have all the answers because I don't. And, even if I think I've found the answers that work for me, I know he will need to find his own. I hope to keep growing and changing as he grows and changes. That is the example I would like to set.
I know both my boys will be good men. I'm looking forward to every iteration of them both. I know my influence is limited, but important. I know that control isn't something I want or need. I want them to be in control of their own choices and futures. Soren already shows signs of very logical thinking. He is a rational being, even at three years old. It happens so fast that it's hard for parents to see it sometimes. But, the sooner we can recognize that our children are ready for the next step in their development, the sooner we can let them become independent from us. That is our goal, isn't it?
So, while I will always cherish the memories I have of my children, I will continue to look to the future, both for myself and for them. I will not get stuck as the 'mommy' of little boys. I will always be their mother, but the relationship will continue to change. When my boys become men, I hope we can give each other the space and respect we all deserve. I don't want my boys to seek my approval. I want them to seek their own. There will come a day when it no longer matters what I think. There will come a day when I won't even be around to tell them what I think. When that day comes, I want them to be prepared. This isn't about morbid gloom and doom. This is about reality. This is the stuff of life.
Whew. It is getting awfully deep in here! I think I'll go back to enjoying my birthday with my boys. I hope you get to enjoy your day, too! Even if today isn't your birthday, find something to celebrate!
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