The Secret...
When I asked my mother-in-law, Cathy, to tell me the secret to being married for fifty years, she quickly said, 'I'm a saint.' That's her dry, sarcastic sense of humor that we all love. We all laughed and I said, 'Okay, we know that's not it, so tell us what makes it work, for real.' She thought for a while and said that it's really about expectations. They didn't expect it to be perfect. They knew there would be ups and downs. They took their commitment seriously and still do. Failure was not an option.
That may not sound romantic, but it is very real. Marriage isn't always about romance. Romance gets you started and hopefully continues to play a part in your relationship, but it isn't even close to being enough to sustain a couple through the really hard parts. Romance isn't even part of the equation during some parts of marriage. It's not about romance when someone loses their job. It's not about romance when someone is sick. It's not about romance when your have your first baby and you're tired, overwhelmed and so very unsure of your parenting abilities. It's not about romance when the roof leaks, the car breaks down or the kids are throwing tantrums. It's not about romance when you're cleaning the bathroom or doing the laundry. That's when it's about love, trust, commitment and understanding. Sometimes it's about patience. Sometimes it's about acceptance. Sometimes it's even about, dare I say it? Compromise. Yuck.
However, when Mom and Dad cut the cake today, gave each other a bite and kissed, we could all see that the romance is still there. You could feel all the love in that room. It was beautiful. We all caught a glimpse of the thing that holds them together. It's the intangible thing that we usually just call 'love', but that looks so different, depending on the couple. You can never really see into someone else's marriage, no matter how well you know them as individuals and it's because of that intangible, very private thing. Mom whispered something to Dad and they both got tears in their eyes. (So did I and so did the rest of the women in the room.) I wonder what she said. We'll never know, but it doesn't matter. It was a private moment that we all got to witness. Even though we didn't hear the words, we knew that they meant something like, 'I love you. I'm glad I chose YOU, all those years ago.'
Dad thanked everyone for coming and we had a bunch of pictures taken. We're going to make an album for them and frame one of the group shots. It's important that attention be paid when these milestones are reached. It's a huge accomplishment. It's a lot of work. It's worth it.
Thank you, Chuck and Cathy Donabedian, for being such a fine example, not of a perfect marriage, because those don't exist. Yours is a real marriage. You've been willing to share the lessons you've learned and you truly seem happier now than when I met you. That's amazing. Congratulations! I love you both.
That may not sound romantic, but it is very real. Marriage isn't always about romance. Romance gets you started and hopefully continues to play a part in your relationship, but it isn't even close to being enough to sustain a couple through the really hard parts. Romance isn't even part of the equation during some parts of marriage. It's not about romance when someone loses their job. It's not about romance when someone is sick. It's not about romance when your have your first baby and you're tired, overwhelmed and so very unsure of your parenting abilities. It's not about romance when the roof leaks, the car breaks down or the kids are throwing tantrums. It's not about romance when you're cleaning the bathroom or doing the laundry. That's when it's about love, trust, commitment and understanding. Sometimes it's about patience. Sometimes it's about acceptance. Sometimes it's even about, dare I say it? Compromise. Yuck.
However, when Mom and Dad cut the cake today, gave each other a bite and kissed, we could all see that the romance is still there. You could feel all the love in that room. It was beautiful. We all caught a glimpse of the thing that holds them together. It's the intangible thing that we usually just call 'love', but that looks so different, depending on the couple. You can never really see into someone else's marriage, no matter how well you know them as individuals and it's because of that intangible, very private thing. Mom whispered something to Dad and they both got tears in their eyes. (So did I and so did the rest of the women in the room.) I wonder what she said. We'll never know, but it doesn't matter. It was a private moment that we all got to witness. Even though we didn't hear the words, we knew that they meant something like, 'I love you. I'm glad I chose YOU, all those years ago.'
Dad thanked everyone for coming and we had a bunch of pictures taken. We're going to make an album for them and frame one of the group shots. It's important that attention be paid when these milestones are reached. It's a huge accomplishment. It's a lot of work. It's worth it.
Thank you, Chuck and Cathy Donabedian, for being such a fine example, not of a perfect marriage, because those don't exist. Yours is a real marriage. You've been willing to share the lessons you've learned and you truly seem happier now than when I met you. That's amazing. Congratulations! I love you both.
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