Birthdays, Pop-pop and Cautionary Tales
I'm thinking about Birthdays because mine is on Wednesday, June 5th. I will be 37 and I still love my birthday. What's not to celebrate? I mean, seriously, consider the ugly alternative. So, I choose to celebrate. We have all kinds of fun things planned. I get to go have my nails and hair done with one of my very best friends on the 4th. I do this in lieu of therapy. It probably costs the same, but at the end of a morning at the salon, I have pretty hair and nails. At the end of a therapy session I used to have puffy eyes and a stuffy nose. The salon is really a lot better. On my actual birthday, I get to have lunch with my parents, grandmother, niece, aunt and sons. Finally, I get to go on a date with my husband on Friday. I will have an entire week of birthday awesomeness! How lucky can one girl get?
Friday, the 7th, was also my grandfather's birthday. He was my Pop-pop and we celebrated together almost every year until he passed away in 1990. It's hard to believe it's been 23 years since he was on this Earth. He was an amazing man, a force to be reckoned with and a major influence on our family as a whole. We still tell stories about him. We still feel that he is an active presence in our lives because he is part of all of us.
Alexis (Lex) Hannan, or Big Lex (not to be confused with his son Lex, my dad, who is still very much alive) was a New Yorker and proud of it. He grew up on Staten Island with his parents and younger brother. He was physically, emotionally, vocally and intellectually larger than life. He was brilliant and intimidating and I wish I could have known him longer. We all do. I wish he could have met my husband and my sons. I know he would love them just as he loved all of his family. I was only 13 when he died and I remember feeling cheated. I remember thinking he should have lived a lot longer. I remember being sad, angry and very aware that the reason he died too young was because he didn't take care of himself. He was overweight, drank a little too much and didn't listen to the doctors when they told him that his lifestyle would send him to an early grave. Those were his choices. He suffered a major heart attack and declined from there. He left this world when he was only 67. I often wonder if he would have made the same choices had he known what the outcome would be. Maybe he would have. I think his was an 'eat, drink and be merry' philosophy, but maybe he forgot the last part of that quote. At the end, did he have regrets? I'll never know. Maybe my Grammy knows, but that's her private business now.
His story, at least the very end of it, is a cautionary tale. I am overweight right now. I eat and drink too much. I tend to rebel against authority and the voices of moderation. We had a lot in common, my grandfather and I. Is it because we were born under the same sign? Not likely. Is it because we share some genetic code? Maybe. Do I have the power to choose another path? Absolutely. As my husband likes to say, 'We are creatures of volition.' I would like to choose to embrace his passion, integrity, creativity, thirst for knowledge and ability to be the life of any party. I will try to leave the overwhelming anger, grief and the tendency to take it out on those I love most. Those are my goals for my 38th year. Life is a journey and I want mine to be a very, very long one.
Grammy, if you're reading this, I hope you know how much I loved your husband. He was extraordinary and important to a lot of people. I know I'm not telling you anything you don't know. I just want everybody else to know it, too.
Friday, the 7th, was also my grandfather's birthday. He was my Pop-pop and we celebrated together almost every year until he passed away in 1990. It's hard to believe it's been 23 years since he was on this Earth. He was an amazing man, a force to be reckoned with and a major influence on our family as a whole. We still tell stories about him. We still feel that he is an active presence in our lives because he is part of all of us.
Alexis (Lex) Hannan, or Big Lex (not to be confused with his son Lex, my dad, who is still very much alive) was a New Yorker and proud of it. He grew up on Staten Island with his parents and younger brother. He was physically, emotionally, vocally and intellectually larger than life. He was brilliant and intimidating and I wish I could have known him longer. We all do. I wish he could have met my husband and my sons. I know he would love them just as he loved all of his family. I was only 13 when he died and I remember feeling cheated. I remember thinking he should have lived a lot longer. I remember being sad, angry and very aware that the reason he died too young was because he didn't take care of himself. He was overweight, drank a little too much and didn't listen to the doctors when they told him that his lifestyle would send him to an early grave. Those were his choices. He suffered a major heart attack and declined from there. He left this world when he was only 67. I often wonder if he would have made the same choices had he known what the outcome would be. Maybe he would have. I think his was an 'eat, drink and be merry' philosophy, but maybe he forgot the last part of that quote. At the end, did he have regrets? I'll never know. Maybe my Grammy knows, but that's her private business now.
His story, at least the very end of it, is a cautionary tale. I am overweight right now. I eat and drink too much. I tend to rebel against authority and the voices of moderation. We had a lot in common, my grandfather and I. Is it because we were born under the same sign? Not likely. Is it because we share some genetic code? Maybe. Do I have the power to choose another path? Absolutely. As my husband likes to say, 'We are creatures of volition.' I would like to choose to embrace his passion, integrity, creativity, thirst for knowledge and ability to be the life of any party. I will try to leave the overwhelming anger, grief and the tendency to take it out on those I love most. Those are my goals for my 38th year. Life is a journey and I want mine to be a very, very long one.
Grammy, if you're reading this, I hope you know how much I loved your husband. He was extraordinary and important to a lot of people. I know I'm not telling you anything you don't know. I just want everybody else to know it, too.
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