Demonic Possession in Preschoolers
If I believed in demonic possession, I would have called a priest last night. Soren decided he didn't want to go to bed. We were upstairs in the bathroom and I said he needed to brush his teeth and go to the potty. He said he wasn't going to. I told him I would not read any stories or sing any songs if he didn't. He grudgingly brushed his teeth and used the bathroom. We stepped into the hallway and he stopped and said he didn't want to go to bed. I told him that I understood, but that it was bedtime and he needs to get his rest. He crossed his little arms in front of his chest, stomped his foot and said 'No!' I told him that if I had to carry him up the stairs to his room that I wouldn't be reading any stories or singing any songs. He had a choice. He made the wrong one. So, I picked him up and carried him to his room. He started hitting and kicking me. I put him down on his bed, told him there would be no stories or songs and that we would not be going to the pool in the morning, as we originally planned. 'You may not hit or kick your mother.' I left the room. He started screaming like a banshee. He said things like, 'Mommy, I'm not going to bed! I want a story! I want a song! I want you to come to my room.' My husband went up to try to calm him down after about 15 minutes of that insanity. It seemed like it worked, but then Soren started up all over again when my husband left the room. We left him up there screaming for another 30 minutes, at which point the baby woke up crying. My husband and I talked about how to handle the situation. We weren't sure because it hadn't ever been quite this bad before. We finally settled on the following course of action:
My husband went up to settle the baby. I went up to Soren't room, opened his door and told him to come with me. I told him that I was going to help him calm down, since he obviously wasn't capable of doing it on his own. I told him that he woke up his baby brother, which is unacceptable. I marched him into the bathroom, turned on the shower (a bit on the cold side) and told him to get in. He looked at me like I was completely insane. I felt a little crazy, but my father-in-law had just told a story about doing this very thing with one of Soren's cousins. He said it got the kid's attention, stopped the tantrum cycle and certainly didn't hurt him. Check, check and CHECK! It certainly met all of our requirements, even if it seemed a bit unorthodox and extreme. So, I insisted that Soren get in the shower. I remained calm and said very little, but I did tell him that he had to calm down and agree to go to bed quietly before he could come out.
He eventually stopped yelling and crying. I told him to come out and wrapped him up in a towel. We went up to his room, put his pajamas on and he got back into bed. I kissed him goodnight and told him that we would discuss his behavior in the morning. I said I loved him. He said he loved me, too.
I didn't hear another peep. He fell asleep immediately. The baby was another story. He was still crying when I went downstairs. I took a turn. My husband took another turn. He eventually calmed down and went to sleep. I went to bed at 9:00 PM because I was emotionally exhausted. I was so sad. I kept thinking, 'Why did this happen on such a good day? I took them to the zoo. We had an amazing time. We came home and cooked together. We snuggled during rest time. It was a lovely, beautiful day. My husband said I was taking it too personally. This totally pissed me off.
Of course I was taking it personally! My children are my job. My family is my life. IT IS PERSONAL! Of course, I knew what he meant, even though I couldn't admit it at the time. He meant that I have to take the emotion out of it and simply administer the natural consequences for the behavior. I did that when I was handling the situation with Soren, but I fell apart when it was over. It breaks my heart when my son acts like this. It shouldn't, but it does. That's my issue, though. My heart shouldn't be available for him to break. It is something I need to work on. If I don't fix that, I will give my children way too much power. They will manipulate me, not because they are bad, but because they are human beings and they can.
When Soren woke up this morning, I went to his room and sat on his bed. He looked at me and said, 'I'm sorry for hitting you, Mommy. I'm sorry I kicked you and yelled at you.' It was the first thing he said, with no prompting.
'I forgive you, Soren. Thank you for apologizing. I love you. Now, let's talk about how today is going to go. We aren't going to the pool. We aren't going to the park. You will not be watching any television or playing any iPad games.'
'Oh, are you still mad?'
'No, I'm not mad anymore, but you are being punished for your behavior. You may not treat me like that. This is a very serious issue and you need an entire day to think about it.'
He's sitting next to me as I write this. The baby is taking a nap and Soren is working on some letters and numbers. He's being relatively quiet. He just told me he loves me and that I'm the best mom ever. 'Thank you, Soren. I love you, too. But you're still not playing any iPad games.'
My husband went up to settle the baby. I went up to Soren't room, opened his door and told him to come with me. I told him that I was going to help him calm down, since he obviously wasn't capable of doing it on his own. I told him that he woke up his baby brother, which is unacceptable. I marched him into the bathroom, turned on the shower (a bit on the cold side) and told him to get in. He looked at me like I was completely insane. I felt a little crazy, but my father-in-law had just told a story about doing this very thing with one of Soren's cousins. He said it got the kid's attention, stopped the tantrum cycle and certainly didn't hurt him. Check, check and CHECK! It certainly met all of our requirements, even if it seemed a bit unorthodox and extreme. So, I insisted that Soren get in the shower. I remained calm and said very little, but I did tell him that he had to calm down and agree to go to bed quietly before he could come out.
He eventually stopped yelling and crying. I told him to come out and wrapped him up in a towel. We went up to his room, put his pajamas on and he got back into bed. I kissed him goodnight and told him that we would discuss his behavior in the morning. I said I loved him. He said he loved me, too.
I didn't hear another peep. He fell asleep immediately. The baby was another story. He was still crying when I went downstairs. I took a turn. My husband took another turn. He eventually calmed down and went to sleep. I went to bed at 9:00 PM because I was emotionally exhausted. I was so sad. I kept thinking, 'Why did this happen on such a good day? I took them to the zoo. We had an amazing time. We came home and cooked together. We snuggled during rest time. It was a lovely, beautiful day. My husband said I was taking it too personally. This totally pissed me off.
Of course I was taking it personally! My children are my job. My family is my life. IT IS PERSONAL! Of course, I knew what he meant, even though I couldn't admit it at the time. He meant that I have to take the emotion out of it and simply administer the natural consequences for the behavior. I did that when I was handling the situation with Soren, but I fell apart when it was over. It breaks my heart when my son acts like this. It shouldn't, but it does. That's my issue, though. My heart shouldn't be available for him to break. It is something I need to work on. If I don't fix that, I will give my children way too much power. They will manipulate me, not because they are bad, but because they are human beings and they can.
When Soren woke up this morning, I went to his room and sat on his bed. He looked at me and said, 'I'm sorry for hitting you, Mommy. I'm sorry I kicked you and yelled at you.' It was the first thing he said, with no prompting.
'I forgive you, Soren. Thank you for apologizing. I love you. Now, let's talk about how today is going to go. We aren't going to the pool. We aren't going to the park. You will not be watching any television or playing any iPad games.'
'Oh, are you still mad?'
'No, I'm not mad anymore, but you are being punished for your behavior. You may not treat me like that. This is a very serious issue and you need an entire day to think about it.'
He's sitting next to me as I write this. The baby is taking a nap and Soren is working on some letters and numbers. He's being relatively quiet. He just told me he loves me and that I'm the best mom ever. 'Thank you, Soren. I love you, too. But you're still not playing any iPad games.'
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