Popularity is NOT the Goal
Sometimes popularity is a natural consequence of our actions. Sometimes people seek it out. Some people avoid it like the plague. I've noticed a trend in human development that isn't really a new observation, but here it is. When we're little kids, we don't care about being popular. We don't care about anyone's opinion but our own. We follow our own interests and are oblivious to the reactions of anyone else. Slowly, that begins to change. We realize that our behavior does impact other people. Then we realize that other people might have opinions about what we do, even if it doesn't impact them at all. The question is, how much do we care about those opinions? The kids who have the strength to march to the beat of their own drum, regardless of the reactions from their peers, are the ones to watch. They will be the risk takers, the entrepreneurs, the artists, the inventors and the trail blazers.
I remember being labeled a 'nerd' for the first time when I was about eleven years old. Up until then, I thought everyone liked to learn as much as I did. I loved my teachers and found other smart kids to hang out with. Life was good. Then, Junior High happened. It's tough for everyone. We all become more aware of ourselves and worried about what everyone else thinks. I played the flute in the band. I was in the choir. To top it off, I got straight A's every quarter of seventh grade and I was in APT (Academic Program for the Talented). With that combo, I was practically begging to be stuffed in a locker.
However, I was proud of my accomplishments. I was happy and motivated and enthusiastic. My family was very supportive, too. What I found baffling was that there were so many kids who seemed to hate me just for being smart and successful. It wasn't cool to care about things. It wasn't popular to want to work hard and be good at something. That didn't stop me from working hard, but it did stop me from having a lot of friends. Throughout junior high, I had maybe three or four good friends. It was a lonely time. I was angry. I was sick of stupid kids thinking they were cooler than I was. Why is it 'cool' to act like an asshole? I can still see the faces of the worst offenders in my mind's eye. I won't name names. I'm sure they grew up and, hopefully, they aren't assholes anymore.
Then, thankfully, high school started a couple years later. The world got big again and there were more things to get involved with, more people to meet. I immediately got involved in the Theater program by auditioning for the first play. Our theater director was the best teacher I had ever encountered. He was my Spanish teacher that year, too. I would have auditioned for the play anyway, but he made it even more appealing. He was funny, interesting, smart and didn't treat us like kids. His name is Jhon Marshall, we're still friends. (No, I didn't make a typo, that's how he spells his first name.) I think I loved him immediately. Not in a creepy way, just in the way that young people sometimes develop crushes on their teachers. It happened to me quite often. It happened with my English teacher, Mr. Ken Ferris. It happened with my World Civilizations teacher, Mr. Tim Dugan. I've always loved smart, charismatic men who inspire me to learn something. My husband is all of those things, so I guess I'm consistent.
But, I digress. Auditioning for the Fall play my Freshman year of high school completely changed my life. I had an instant group of friends. We hung out all the time. There was rehearsal, set construction and cast parties. The cast party was at my house for the first play and there were dozens of kids in my basement for the first time ever. Even the Seniors came! The Senior BOYS! I was absolutely giddy. I was fourteen. My mom made pulled pork sandwiches that the coolest guy ever (at least in my eyes) said he loved. I felt like I had arrived. I continued to be a good student and play the flute in the band, but now I had THEATER. I had passion. I had people.
I got the leading female role in six high school productions. I was in the chorus for one musical and played in the pit orchestra for two others. Is it any wonder that I became an Acting major in college? It was so fun. It was all I wanted to do. There was a time when I couldn't imagine doing anything else.
That all changed during my Sophomore year at Ohio University. I no longer had the drive or passion to perform. It felt like work. Some of my college professors sort of sucked the life out of acting for me. I didn't want to pick everything apart. I just wanted to do it. I wanted to learn my lines, practice for a few weeks and put on a show! I wasn't ready to invest the kind of time and energy into 'developing my craft' as other people were. I had one amazing acting teacher. When I told him how I felt he said, 'It takes an average of about 10 years of acting professionally before you 'make it', if you ever do. Elise, if you can see yourself doing anything else with your life, then do it.' He was right. I'm very grateful for that advice.
So, I changed my major. I don't regret it. Later, when I was about twenty-five, I decided to do a community theater production. I had a pretty cool part and the play was kind of interesting, but my heart just wasn't in it. It didn't make me feel the way I felt in high school. That chapter in my life had come to an end. I'm really glad I did that little show for the Theater on the Square in Indianapolis. If I hadn't, I would probably still be saying, 'What if?'
Back to popularity. I didn't choose theater because it was popular. The kids who did it were good students and a little nerdy, just like me. I didn't choose to major in theater because it was a popular choice. Many people tried to discourage me. Jhon Marshall didn't. He took me aside one day when I was trying to decide whether or not to audition for theater schools and said, 'If anyone can make it, you can.' My parents also supported my choice. That's all I really needed. It was the right choice, at that time.
I hope I can teach my boys to follow their passions, regardless of what anyone else thinks. It's really the only way to feel good about your decisions in this life. It's the only way to have no regrets. The only choices I regret in my life are the ones that were influenced by other people instead of following my own mind. I'm not saying every choice I made was a 'good' choice. I'm just saying I have no regrets. There's a big difference.
I remember being labeled a 'nerd' for the first time when I was about eleven years old. Up until then, I thought everyone liked to learn as much as I did. I loved my teachers and found other smart kids to hang out with. Life was good. Then, Junior High happened. It's tough for everyone. We all become more aware of ourselves and worried about what everyone else thinks. I played the flute in the band. I was in the choir. To top it off, I got straight A's every quarter of seventh grade and I was in APT (Academic Program for the Talented). With that combo, I was practically begging to be stuffed in a locker.
However, I was proud of my accomplishments. I was happy and motivated and enthusiastic. My family was very supportive, too. What I found baffling was that there were so many kids who seemed to hate me just for being smart and successful. It wasn't cool to care about things. It wasn't popular to want to work hard and be good at something. That didn't stop me from working hard, but it did stop me from having a lot of friends. Throughout junior high, I had maybe three or four good friends. It was a lonely time. I was angry. I was sick of stupid kids thinking they were cooler than I was. Why is it 'cool' to act like an asshole? I can still see the faces of the worst offenders in my mind's eye. I won't name names. I'm sure they grew up and, hopefully, they aren't assholes anymore.
Then, thankfully, high school started a couple years later. The world got big again and there were more things to get involved with, more people to meet. I immediately got involved in the Theater program by auditioning for the first play. Our theater director was the best teacher I had ever encountered. He was my Spanish teacher that year, too. I would have auditioned for the play anyway, but he made it even more appealing. He was funny, interesting, smart and didn't treat us like kids. His name is Jhon Marshall, we're still friends. (No, I didn't make a typo, that's how he spells his first name.) I think I loved him immediately. Not in a creepy way, just in the way that young people sometimes develop crushes on their teachers. It happened to me quite often. It happened with my English teacher, Mr. Ken Ferris. It happened with my World Civilizations teacher, Mr. Tim Dugan. I've always loved smart, charismatic men who inspire me to learn something. My husband is all of those things, so I guess I'm consistent.
But, I digress. Auditioning for the Fall play my Freshman year of high school completely changed my life. I had an instant group of friends. We hung out all the time. There was rehearsal, set construction and cast parties. The cast party was at my house for the first play and there were dozens of kids in my basement for the first time ever. Even the Seniors came! The Senior BOYS! I was absolutely giddy. I was fourteen. My mom made pulled pork sandwiches that the coolest guy ever (at least in my eyes) said he loved. I felt like I had arrived. I continued to be a good student and play the flute in the band, but now I had THEATER. I had passion. I had people.
I got the leading female role in six high school productions. I was in the chorus for one musical and played in the pit orchestra for two others. Is it any wonder that I became an Acting major in college? It was so fun. It was all I wanted to do. There was a time when I couldn't imagine doing anything else.
That all changed during my Sophomore year at Ohio University. I no longer had the drive or passion to perform. It felt like work. Some of my college professors sort of sucked the life out of acting for me. I didn't want to pick everything apart. I just wanted to do it. I wanted to learn my lines, practice for a few weeks and put on a show! I wasn't ready to invest the kind of time and energy into 'developing my craft' as other people were. I had one amazing acting teacher. When I told him how I felt he said, 'It takes an average of about 10 years of acting professionally before you 'make it', if you ever do. Elise, if you can see yourself doing anything else with your life, then do it.' He was right. I'm very grateful for that advice.
So, I changed my major. I don't regret it. Later, when I was about twenty-five, I decided to do a community theater production. I had a pretty cool part and the play was kind of interesting, but my heart just wasn't in it. It didn't make me feel the way I felt in high school. That chapter in my life had come to an end. I'm really glad I did that little show for the Theater on the Square in Indianapolis. If I hadn't, I would probably still be saying, 'What if?'
Back to popularity. I didn't choose theater because it was popular. The kids who did it were good students and a little nerdy, just like me. I didn't choose to major in theater because it was a popular choice. Many people tried to discourage me. Jhon Marshall didn't. He took me aside one day when I was trying to decide whether or not to audition for theater schools and said, 'If anyone can make it, you can.' My parents also supported my choice. That's all I really needed. It was the right choice, at that time.
I hope I can teach my boys to follow their passions, regardless of what anyone else thinks. It's really the only way to feel good about your decisions in this life. It's the only way to have no regrets. The only choices I regret in my life are the ones that were influenced by other people instead of following my own mind. I'm not saying every choice I made was a 'good' choice. I'm just saying I have no regrets. There's a big difference.
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