Bathing Suits and Body Issues
As I packed the pool bag this morning, I looked at my bathing suit with dismay. I'm still wearing the one I bought when I was pregnant with Kieran last summer. It's really a swim dress and it's navy with white polka dots. It was the best I could do when I was a size 18 in maternity clothes. No one carries plus size maternity clothes in the stores. You have to order online. As any woman knows, ordering bathing suits online is madness, especially when you're pregnant and your shape is changing almost daily. So, I went to the women's department and found the best solution to my issues. It's decent, modest and appropriate. Those are the best qualities I can think of for this abomination of fashion.
I'm wearing it again this year because (sadly) it still fits. It's getting loose, but it still covers everything and nothing is falling out. Also, I refuse to buy another suit that is this size. This will have to do until all the new food and exercise changes start to take effect. They actually already have. I've lost all 35 pounds of baby weight, plus another 7 pounds. I'm currently a women's size 16/18. 16 on the bottom. 18 on the top.
You may be wondering why I'm sharing all of these numbers with you. It's not that I'm proud. I'm just being honest and real. Many women would be embarrassed. I used to be one of them. Then I realized that these numbers only matter to me. Everyone else can see me. It's not a secret that I'm overweight right now. Should that keep me from swimming or being active with my children? To the contrary! The more active I am, the better I will feel and the more likely I will be to lose weight and be healthy. So, I talk to myself in the locker room. I say things like, 'This is going to be fun! You're going swimming with Soren! It's not about being 'hot' right now. It's about being really present with your kids!'
I do remember the days when going to the pool was all about being 'hot'. Here are some more numbers for you. When I liked my body the best, I weighed 125 pounds and was a size 10. My measurements were 36", 26", 36". DAMN! Why do I remember those numbers? Because I was in a play that year and the seamstress took my measurements and said, 'Oh, my! You have an hourglass figure!' I was proud! I loved my body. I loved myself. All of myself.
Fast forward about 20 years. I'm married to the love of my life. I have two beautiful little boys. My body was their first home. My body fed, nurtured and comforted them. For that reason, my body, even at a size 18, is beautiful. It is strong. It is capable and productive. I'm going to continue to try to make it better so that I can live a long, healthy and happy life. I don't have to hate the way it is now to want to change it. I can accept myself and still recognize that there are improvements to be made. I can still love my body and all of myself because I love what I'm DOING!
So, when I see the other mommies at the pool, who are of all different shapes and sizes, I can smile, say, 'Good morning' and not feel self-conscious. I can splash and play and swim with my son because it feels amazing and we both love the water so much. I can help him learn to swim and focus on what really matters.
That is a beautiful thing!
I'm wearing it again this year because (sadly) it still fits. It's getting loose, but it still covers everything and nothing is falling out. Also, I refuse to buy another suit that is this size. This will have to do until all the new food and exercise changes start to take effect. They actually already have. I've lost all 35 pounds of baby weight, plus another 7 pounds. I'm currently a women's size 16/18. 16 on the bottom. 18 on the top.
You may be wondering why I'm sharing all of these numbers with you. It's not that I'm proud. I'm just being honest and real. Many women would be embarrassed. I used to be one of them. Then I realized that these numbers only matter to me. Everyone else can see me. It's not a secret that I'm overweight right now. Should that keep me from swimming or being active with my children? To the contrary! The more active I am, the better I will feel and the more likely I will be to lose weight and be healthy. So, I talk to myself in the locker room. I say things like, 'This is going to be fun! You're going swimming with Soren! It's not about being 'hot' right now. It's about being really present with your kids!'
I do remember the days when going to the pool was all about being 'hot'. Here are some more numbers for you. When I liked my body the best, I weighed 125 pounds and was a size 10. My measurements were 36", 26", 36". DAMN! Why do I remember those numbers? Because I was in a play that year and the seamstress took my measurements and said, 'Oh, my! You have an hourglass figure!' I was proud! I loved my body. I loved myself. All of myself.
Fast forward about 20 years. I'm married to the love of my life. I have two beautiful little boys. My body was their first home. My body fed, nurtured and comforted them. For that reason, my body, even at a size 18, is beautiful. It is strong. It is capable and productive. I'm going to continue to try to make it better so that I can live a long, healthy and happy life. I don't have to hate the way it is now to want to change it. I can accept myself and still recognize that there are improvements to be made. I can still love my body and all of myself because I love what I'm DOING!
So, when I see the other mommies at the pool, who are of all different shapes and sizes, I can smile, say, 'Good morning' and not feel self-conscious. I can splash and play and swim with my son because it feels amazing and we both love the water so much. I can help him learn to swim and focus on what really matters.
That is a beautiful thing!
And you have dainty feet!! I don't think your ankles swelled AT ALL during these two pregnancies! Lucky you! :)
ReplyDeleteOh,Emily, you are too kind. I couldn't get any real shoes on towards the end of my pregnancies and my feet grew a half size with each baby. That's ok. I got to buy new shoes!
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