Act Well, Teach Well
These are not my words. These are my son's words. The four of us went out to dinner this evening. I started talking about the funeral I attended today for my aunt's father. My parents were there, along with lots of other family. The boys didn't go and just stayed home with my husband. They never met the person who had passed away, so it wasn't important for them to be there. I felt that it was important for me to show my love and support for my aunt and her family.
After listening to me tell a story about my dad, DJ Sopa said, "I want to be a Granddad just like Granddad is a Granddad. I want to be like him."
"I know you do," I replied. The idea of being 'like Granddad' is not a new one for Sopa. He's been saying that ever since he could speak, which was when he was less than two. He wants to be 'big, like Granddad', 'fun, like Granddad' and 'as nice as Granddad'.
I asked Sopa why he wants to be a Granddad the way my father is a Granddad. He said, "Because he's so fun."
"Yes, he is. What else makes him a good Granddad?"
"Well, he's a good dad to you."
"Yes, he is a very good dad to me. He's the best dad I ever met, until I met YOUR dad."
"Oh, yeah! Dad is the best dad to me!"
"Right! But what makes someone a good dad?"
"Well, they have to act well and teach well. They have to be a good parent."
I was actually at a loss for words, for a minute.
"I think that might be the best answer to that question that I've ever heard in my life."
"I know. If you act well and you teach well, then you're a good parent. That's what you and dad do. That's what Gran and Granddad do. That's what all good parents do."
"I think you're right."
The conversation continued throughout the rest of our dinner. Kier joined in, too. Bill participated a bit. He was soaking it in. Sopa was leading. Sopa was explaining the role of a father. Then I asked him what a good mother should do.
"She should help her husband. She should take care of her children. She should teach her children, too."
"Yes. That's what I try to do. That's what my mother did. That's what my grandmothers did, too."
"I think that's what Star will do, when I marry her and we have our own family. She will be such a good mother. She will be a good wife, too. Because, you can't be a good mother without being a good wife." Star has been the love of Sopa's life since he was three years old, when they met at school. The two of them had a connection unlike any I've ever seen. Her parents are friends of mine and I can't think of a nicer family. So, I never laugh this off. It's possible. Sopa knows what he knows. He might be right. He might change his mind. Star might change her mind. Things change, but this is what he knows NOW. That's not something to be dismissed. It's something to be understood.
"You think so? Well, I think I agree with that. Mothers can parent alone, but it's harder. Father's can parent alone, but it's difficult."
"I wouldn't want to parent alone. I would need my wife. My children will need their mom."
"Yep. We need both of our parents. If we don't have them both, life can be very hard."
"Mom, can I call Star later?"
"Sure."
Who am I to stand in the way of his dream to be a husband, a father and a granddad? I would never dream of it.
After listening to me tell a story about my dad, DJ Sopa said, "I want to be a Granddad just like Granddad is a Granddad. I want to be like him."
"I know you do," I replied. The idea of being 'like Granddad' is not a new one for Sopa. He's been saying that ever since he could speak, which was when he was less than two. He wants to be 'big, like Granddad', 'fun, like Granddad' and 'as nice as Granddad'.
I asked Sopa why he wants to be a Granddad the way my father is a Granddad. He said, "Because he's so fun."
"Yes, he is. What else makes him a good Granddad?"
"Well, he's a good dad to you."
"Yes, he is a very good dad to me. He's the best dad I ever met, until I met YOUR dad."
"Oh, yeah! Dad is the best dad to me!"
"Right! But what makes someone a good dad?"
"Well, they have to act well and teach well. They have to be a good parent."
I was actually at a loss for words, for a minute.
"I think that might be the best answer to that question that I've ever heard in my life."
"I know. If you act well and you teach well, then you're a good parent. That's what you and dad do. That's what Gran and Granddad do. That's what all good parents do."
"I think you're right."
The conversation continued throughout the rest of our dinner. Kier joined in, too. Bill participated a bit. He was soaking it in. Sopa was leading. Sopa was explaining the role of a father. Then I asked him what a good mother should do.
"She should help her husband. She should take care of her children. She should teach her children, too."
"Yes. That's what I try to do. That's what my mother did. That's what my grandmothers did, too."
"I think that's what Star will do, when I marry her and we have our own family. She will be such a good mother. She will be a good wife, too. Because, you can't be a good mother without being a good wife." Star has been the love of Sopa's life since he was three years old, when they met at school. The two of them had a connection unlike any I've ever seen. Her parents are friends of mine and I can't think of a nicer family. So, I never laugh this off. It's possible. Sopa knows what he knows. He might be right. He might change his mind. Star might change her mind. Things change, but this is what he knows NOW. That's not something to be dismissed. It's something to be understood.
"You think so? Well, I think I agree with that. Mothers can parent alone, but it's harder. Father's can parent alone, but it's difficult."
"I wouldn't want to parent alone. I would need my wife. My children will need their mom."
"Yep. We need both of our parents. If we don't have them both, life can be very hard."
"Mom, can I call Star later?"
"Sure."
Who am I to stand in the way of his dream to be a husband, a father and a granddad? I would never dream of it.
Comments
Post a Comment