I Don't Want to Die!
These are not my words. They are my four-year-old son's words. He woke up at 5:00 this morning because he wet his bed. I helped him find dry pajamas and got some laundry started. When he came to snuggle with me on the couch, he said, "Mom, I don't want to die."
"Oh, my Kieran, okay. I don't want to die, either. What do you mean?"
"Why do we have to die?"
"Well, death is a part of life. We are born. We grow. We learn. We live for a very long time and then we get older. Eventually, after many, many years, we will die. It's the natural order of things. Everything has a time to be born, a time to live and a time to die."
"But, I don't want to! That's not enough." Tears gathered in his big blue eyes.
"I know, my love. It might not seem like enough. If you live to be as old as Great Grammy is now, that is ninety more years for you. That means ninety more birthdays! Do you think that's enough?"
"No. And I don't want you to die, either."
"Well, I'm not ready to die, yet. How about we ask Great Grammy if she thinks 94 years is enough. I asked her that the other day and she said, "Yes." She said she's happy she's still here, but that it would be okay if she died.
His eyes got very wide. "Why does she think that?"
"I think she has learned things that we don't know yet. I think she's had more time to think about it and to do all the things she wanted to do. She said she's done everything she ever wanted to do and more. That's why she's ready. She also knows that she will live on, through her children (like Granddad), her grandchildren (like me) and her great grandchildren (like you, Kieran). She isn't afraid. She thinks every day is a gift. She accepts those gifts and is grateful for them. That's what she told me the other day."
"I think I'll ask Granddad about this, too."
"Good idea. I've asked Granddad about this many times. He's very good and very wise."
"When you die, does it feel like a dream?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
"Does it hurt?"
"I don't know. I think sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. It's tough being born and it's hard to die. But I do know that in between those times, we can have so much fun! We can learn. We can love each other! We can build things. We can have a family and make babies. We can see our children grow and, hopefully, even see their children!"
"Mom. I love you." He wiped his eyes and snuggled into my blanket.
"Kieran. I love you. You can always talk to me about these things. I'm going to be here for a very, very long time. Happy Valentine's Day, Kieran! I'll love you forever!"
"I will never stop loving you! Happy Valentine's Day, mom."
"Oh, my Kieran, okay. I don't want to die, either. What do you mean?"
"Why do we have to die?"
"Well, death is a part of life. We are born. We grow. We learn. We live for a very long time and then we get older. Eventually, after many, many years, we will die. It's the natural order of things. Everything has a time to be born, a time to live and a time to die."
"But, I don't want to! That's not enough." Tears gathered in his big blue eyes.
"I know, my love. It might not seem like enough. If you live to be as old as Great Grammy is now, that is ninety more years for you. That means ninety more birthdays! Do you think that's enough?"
"No. And I don't want you to die, either."
"Well, I'm not ready to die, yet. How about we ask Great Grammy if she thinks 94 years is enough. I asked her that the other day and she said, "Yes." She said she's happy she's still here, but that it would be okay if she died.
His eyes got very wide. "Why does she think that?"
"I think she has learned things that we don't know yet. I think she's had more time to think about it and to do all the things she wanted to do. She said she's done everything she ever wanted to do and more. That's why she's ready. She also knows that she will live on, through her children (like Granddad), her grandchildren (like me) and her great grandchildren (like you, Kieran). She isn't afraid. She thinks every day is a gift. She accepts those gifts and is grateful for them. That's what she told me the other day."
"I think I'll ask Granddad about this, too."
"Good idea. I've asked Granddad about this many times. He's very good and very wise."
"When you die, does it feel like a dream?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
"Does it hurt?"
"I don't know. I think sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. It's tough being born and it's hard to die. But I do know that in between those times, we can have so much fun! We can learn. We can love each other! We can build things. We can have a family and make babies. We can see our children grow and, hopefully, even see their children!"
"Mom. I love you." He wiped his eyes and snuggled into my blanket.
"Kieran. I love you. You can always talk to me about these things. I'm going to be here for a very, very long time. Happy Valentine's Day, Kieran! I'll love you forever!"
"I will never stop loving you! Happy Valentine's Day, mom."
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