You Can't Fix the Past. You Can Change the Future.

I realize that my posts have been focused on health lately, but I haven't forgotten about our unschooling lifestyle.  Far from it.  We've settled into this new philosophy like thirsty people who've found an oasis in the middle of the desert.

Yesterday was a particularly enlightening day.  It started like any other.  We all woke up early.  We snuggled, ate breakfast and played.  Then, it was time to get ready to go to our new pediatrician.  So, I gave the boys plenty of time and told them to get dressed.  Kieran had a meltdown when he couldn't 'get his pants turned around'.  I refused to help and told him to handle it on his own while I showered and got ready.  He lost it.  I mean, he really lost it.  I finally went into his room and he was sobbing uncontrollably.  I lost it, too.  I'm not proud of that, but it happened.  I yelled at him.  I told him that he knows how to get dressed, that I'm sick of all this drama and that he wasn't allowed to come out of his room until he was ready to leave.  Eventually, Kieran did finish getting dressed and came downstairs.

This is a somewhat regular thing at our house.  I asked him why he got so upset.  He said he didn't want to go to the doctor and he didn't want me to leave without him.  I told him that we were just going to meet the new doctor, but that he didn't have to have any shots or even take his clothes off.  He seemed calmer.  'No shots, Mom?'

Then I understood.  He had five shots the last time we went to the doctor.  He was afraid of the pain.  He wasn't unable to put his pants on.  He was trying to make it so that he couldn't go to the doctor and he knew I wouldn't leave without him or take him out of the house without pants.

I hugged him.  I reminded him that I'd already explained that the doctor's visit was just a meeting, not an exam or vaccination day.  He said he forgot that part.  I felt terrible.  I apologized.  He hugged me back.  I was forgiven.

We went to the doctor.  The boys were friendly, chatty and amazing.  After that, we went to the grocery store.  Soren typed my list on my phone while we drove to the store.  Kieran helped pick out the produce and even loaded things into my cart.  The boys both helped put the items on the conveyor belt when we checked out.

It was at this moment that we received a huge gift.  The checkout guy, who has an amazingly deep voice, said hello to us.  Soren, walked up to him and said, 'Hi, I'm Soren.  How are you today?'

The guy, only slightly taken aback, said, 'I'm well, thank you for asking.  How are you, Mr. Soren?'

'I'm great!  I helped my mom find the best prices on the things we needed and we're going to try new vegetables today!'

'Good for you!  Maybe you'll work here someday.  I'm a retail expert, myself.'  He said this with slight sarcasm.

I jumped in,  'Wow, you're an expert!  I was just telling the boys that math is everywhere and that it's one of the best tools we can have.  If you're an expert, then you must be very good at math.'

'Well, check-out guy isn't really a career aspiration, but I am good at math.'

I quickly corrected him, 'Actually, any job worth doing is worth doing well.  You have a job.  You're doing it well.  That's something.  That's important.'

'You sound like a teacher.  Are you a teacher?'

Soren chimed in, 'My mom is our teacher!  We're homeschoolers!'

'Oh!  What kind of homeschooling do you do?  I only ask because I was also homeschooled by my parents.'

I answered, 'We are technically unschoolers, with some Montessori influences and we attend a secular co-op that just started.'

'I see.  I used a self-directed online program.  My mom didn't teach.  My dad helped with math.'

The lady behind me in line said, 'Hey, if you homeschool, do you have to use that Common Core math?'

'No!  We can use any method we choose.  We choose to learn math from real life and then we work on the simplest forms of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division.  My son's are seven and four, so it really works well.'

'Good!  That Common Core is ridiculous!  Why would they make something so simple into something so hard?!'

Exactly.  We went home.  The boys helped me carry the groceries into the kitchen.  We put them away.  They played until we decided to do some reading and have lunch.  At dinner time, I told my husband that I received my new bathing suit in the mail.  I had Soren take pictures of me in my suit and I posted the pictures to the Hottie Body Fitzness Challenge Facebook page.  My husband couldn't believe I did it.  Yes, all 245 pounds of me, in a bathing suit, for strangers to see, from every angle.  I said that it was pretty hard for me to post those pictures, but that I was glad I did it.  I said it would feel really good when I can post new pictures in a few months.  I can reach my weight goal in less than a year, if I'm disciplined.

Soren, who was listening to the entire conversation, looked deeply into my eyes and said, 'Mom, you need to forget about all the bad stuff.  You don't need to think about it anymore.  You can't fix the past.  You can only change the future.'  I cried.  I thanked him.

So, that's what we're doing.  We're changing the future.  We're letting go of the past.  It feels so good.