Letting Go of the STUFF!
Today is March the 4th, 2017. That means February has been over for four days. I didn't even notice. This February was fun. It was challenging, interesting, relaxing and enjoyable. My husband and I got to go on our first vacation, without our boys, in eight years. We started going to our new homeschooling co-op. We changed our homeschooling philosophy to 'unschooling'. I lost 15 pounds, 3 inches off my waist and four inches off my hips. I swam in the ocean. I started singing and dancing. I've been practicing flute and piano. I write every single day.
This is the first good February I've had in 20 years. That's right. Every February in the last 20 years has been kind of awful. The February of 1997 was the worst, but all of them have been unhappy times. I relived the 1997 February every year. I beat myself up about it. I reopened the wounds and felt all that pain, every year for 20 years.
I finally stopped. I don't need all that pain anymore. I don't need to relive that horrific year. I don't need to feel like a failure or hate myself for mistakes and illnesses that happened so very long ago. I was clinically depressed. I contemplated suicide. I haven't done that in 20 years, so why should I ever relive that pain again?
The human mind is fascinating. We will celebrate anniversaries, birthdays and other important moments. We will also grieve on anniversaries. I looked at February as an anniversary of the time when I lost myself. I really did. I lost my way, my mind, my confidence and my purpose. But, I got it all back. I got it back more than eleven years ago. Still, I would come to February, even though I was happy with my life, and put myself through the same angst that I had experienced all those years ago. I usually lost my job, stopped paying my bills and quit leaving my apartment. I ignored friends, family and myself. I would gain weight, drink a lot and just wait for the month to end. No wonder I let my weight get out of control. No wonder I couldn't maintain a healthy romantic relationship. I couldn't even love myself enough to make it through an entire year.
That's all over now. I have been in the best relationship on the planet for eleven years. We have two beautiful boys. I'm a good mother, teacher and friend. I love myself. I'm proud of my achievements. I never have to torture myself about 1997, ever again.
What are you holding onto that's hurting you and sabotaging your own success? Let that shit go!!!!!
This is the first good February I've had in 20 years. That's right. Every February in the last 20 years has been kind of awful. The February of 1997 was the worst, but all of them have been unhappy times. I relived the 1997 February every year. I beat myself up about it. I reopened the wounds and felt all that pain, every year for 20 years.
I finally stopped. I don't need all that pain anymore. I don't need to relive that horrific year. I don't need to feel like a failure or hate myself for mistakes and illnesses that happened so very long ago. I was clinically depressed. I contemplated suicide. I haven't done that in 20 years, so why should I ever relive that pain again?
The human mind is fascinating. We will celebrate anniversaries, birthdays and other important moments. We will also grieve on anniversaries. I looked at February as an anniversary of the time when I lost myself. I really did. I lost my way, my mind, my confidence and my purpose. But, I got it all back. I got it back more than eleven years ago. Still, I would come to February, even though I was happy with my life, and put myself through the same angst that I had experienced all those years ago. I usually lost my job, stopped paying my bills and quit leaving my apartment. I ignored friends, family and myself. I would gain weight, drink a lot and just wait for the month to end. No wonder I let my weight get out of control. No wonder I couldn't maintain a healthy romantic relationship. I couldn't even love myself enough to make it through an entire year.
That's all over now. I have been in the best relationship on the planet for eleven years. We have two beautiful boys. I'm a good mother, teacher and friend. I love myself. I'm proud of my achievements. I never have to torture myself about 1997, ever again.
What are you holding onto that's hurting you and sabotaging your own success? Let that shit go!!!!!
Comments
Post a Comment