Quit Bossin' Me Around!
Soren and I have been having a few power struggles lately. I try not to be a drill sergeant and bark orders, but sometimes I need him to do as I ask, when I ask him to do it. The look of defiance comes over him so quickly and I feel like I'm looking at a male version of my three-year-old self. I remember thinking it was unfair that certain people had the right to tell me what to do. I remember wondering why my mom was in charge, when I felt completely capable of being in charge of myself. Yes, I was three. She can confirm this.
I do try to pick my battles. If Soren's choices truly do not impact anyone in a negative way, I try to give him his freedom. However, when he does something that hurts someone, makes more work for someone or is just rude, he has to stop and correct the issue. There are also times when I ask him to do something like put away his toys or go and get something for me. Is it fair for me to expect him to do these things right away, just because I asked him to do it? Maybe not. Perhaps I need to come up with a better strategy so that he feels more in control of his life. For example, I could say that, by the end of the day, he needs to make sure his toys are put away. That means he can put them away at any time during the day. Or, if I ask him to do something and he says, 'But, Mom, I'm playing with Kieran' maybe I could give him an acceptable time frame, like before nap time or after breakfast.
I want to encourage independence, but he still has to live by the rules of our house. I think there's a balance to be found here... It's a work in progress. All I know is that when he looks at me with such frustration and anger in his eyes and says, 'Mom, quit bossin' me around!' I want to laugh and cry at the same time. I want to say, 'I know how you feel! I really, really do. But, there are times when you're going to have to do what other people tell you to do, even when you don't agree with it.' It's starts with our parents, then teachers, professors, employers, the Government and the IRS. Whether we like it or not, we have to learn to deal with authority, if we're going to have productive lives. Even leaders have to follow someone, at some point in their lives.
I do try to pick my battles. If Soren's choices truly do not impact anyone in a negative way, I try to give him his freedom. However, when he does something that hurts someone, makes more work for someone or is just rude, he has to stop and correct the issue. There are also times when I ask him to do something like put away his toys or go and get something for me. Is it fair for me to expect him to do these things right away, just because I asked him to do it? Maybe not. Perhaps I need to come up with a better strategy so that he feels more in control of his life. For example, I could say that, by the end of the day, he needs to make sure his toys are put away. That means he can put them away at any time during the day. Or, if I ask him to do something and he says, 'But, Mom, I'm playing with Kieran' maybe I could give him an acceptable time frame, like before nap time or after breakfast.
I want to encourage independence, but he still has to live by the rules of our house. I think there's a balance to be found here... It's a work in progress. All I know is that when he looks at me with such frustration and anger in his eyes and says, 'Mom, quit bossin' me around!' I want to laugh and cry at the same time. I want to say, 'I know how you feel! I really, really do. But, there are times when you're going to have to do what other people tell you to do, even when you don't agree with it.' It's starts with our parents, then teachers, professors, employers, the Government and the IRS. Whether we like it or not, we have to learn to deal with authority, if we're going to have productive lives. Even leaders have to follow someone, at some point in their lives.
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