Making Everybody Happy...
Doesn't that sound like a nice thing to do? Sure, it does. Unfortunately, it's impossible. Even as a parent, the only person's happiness that you can truly do anything about is your own.
This is a tough one to grasp when you're a parent. We think we are responsible for our children's happiness. That's just not right. We want them to be happy. It makes us happy to see them happy, but we can't be responsible for that happiness. Here's a perfect example. Today, I took Soren and Kiern to the Y. Soren went to his swimming lesson while Kieran and I watched. Then we all went out to the kiddie pool. Both my boys love the water, but babies can be so unpredictable. One minute, Kieran was totally happy to sit and splash in the shallow water. Soren was laughing and splashing with us and I thought, 'Wow, this could not be going any better!'
Famous last words. At that point, Kieran decided he wanted to swim on his own and kept trying to get away from me. Um, sorry little nine-month-old baby, I'm not going to let you go so you can dive into the water by yourself. I tried holding him with me in the water, letting him float, sitting him down next to me, but he just wanted me to let go. He yelled and cried and carried on. So, I told Soren we needed to get out for a bit and see if we could get Kieran to calm down. Soren grudgingly followed me out of the pool and we sat at a table in the shade. I gave Soren a yogurt while I fed Kieran a bottle. Then we tried the pool again. This went on several more times until I was just worn out and Kieran was ready for a nap. Poor Soren really didn't want to leave, but I explained that we would swim together next time and take Kieran to Gran and Granddad's house. This seemed to pacify him. I took them to the ladies room, got them into dry clothes and we packed everything up. Total time in the water was maybe thirty minutes.
That was a lot of work for not much reward. No one was very happy as we drove home. Soren kept saying that he wanted to go back to the pool. Kieran fussed until he fell asleep and I was ready for lunch and a nap, myself.
Why was this morning so frustrating? Well, sometimes that's just life. However, I think I was trying too hard. I wanted Soren to enjoy his lesson and have fun swimming. I wanted Kieran to love the water and be happy splashing next to me while I watched Soren show me everything he learned today. I wanted to be the mom who's adorable children are the envy of every other mom. I wasn't. Why? Because I thought I could 'make them happy' by creating a wonderful experience for us. Did I fail? Yes, but only because I was trying to do the impossible. We don't make other people happy. We can do nice things for people and create cool opportunities for them, but ultimately, they decide if they're going to be happy. Kieran is a baby, so he's not quite able to be responsible for his own happiness, but that doesn't make me responsible. I'm responsible for keeping them safe. I'm responsible for teaching them. I'm responsible for keeping them fed, watered and out of harms way. Their happiness is something I hope for, but not something I can control.
It sounds like I really do get it, doesn't it? But, like so many things, it's easier said than done. When your baby cries, you want to comfort him and make him happy again. When your three-year-old is sad, you want to convince him that everything's okay and distract him with something fun. However, if we keep trying to pacify these little people, how will they learn to make themselves happy? How will they learn to choose to do things that make them feel better? They won't. They'll wait for Mommy or Daddy to fix it. Then, when they finally leave home, what will they do? Will they call me every day so that I can make them feel better when they have a tough day at work or their girlfriend breaks up with them? Not an option.
So, even though today wasn't perfect, I did my job. My boys are safe, fed, clothed and well cared for. Maybe they'll be happier after their naps.
This is a tough one to grasp when you're a parent. We think we are responsible for our children's happiness. That's just not right. We want them to be happy. It makes us happy to see them happy, but we can't be responsible for that happiness. Here's a perfect example. Today, I took Soren and Kiern to the Y. Soren went to his swimming lesson while Kieran and I watched. Then we all went out to the kiddie pool. Both my boys love the water, but babies can be so unpredictable. One minute, Kieran was totally happy to sit and splash in the shallow water. Soren was laughing and splashing with us and I thought, 'Wow, this could not be going any better!'
Famous last words. At that point, Kieran decided he wanted to swim on his own and kept trying to get away from me. Um, sorry little nine-month-old baby, I'm not going to let you go so you can dive into the water by yourself. I tried holding him with me in the water, letting him float, sitting him down next to me, but he just wanted me to let go. He yelled and cried and carried on. So, I told Soren we needed to get out for a bit and see if we could get Kieran to calm down. Soren grudgingly followed me out of the pool and we sat at a table in the shade. I gave Soren a yogurt while I fed Kieran a bottle. Then we tried the pool again. This went on several more times until I was just worn out and Kieran was ready for a nap. Poor Soren really didn't want to leave, but I explained that we would swim together next time and take Kieran to Gran and Granddad's house. This seemed to pacify him. I took them to the ladies room, got them into dry clothes and we packed everything up. Total time in the water was maybe thirty minutes.
That was a lot of work for not much reward. No one was very happy as we drove home. Soren kept saying that he wanted to go back to the pool. Kieran fussed until he fell asleep and I was ready for lunch and a nap, myself.
Why was this morning so frustrating? Well, sometimes that's just life. However, I think I was trying too hard. I wanted Soren to enjoy his lesson and have fun swimming. I wanted Kieran to love the water and be happy splashing next to me while I watched Soren show me everything he learned today. I wanted to be the mom who's adorable children are the envy of every other mom. I wasn't. Why? Because I thought I could 'make them happy' by creating a wonderful experience for us. Did I fail? Yes, but only because I was trying to do the impossible. We don't make other people happy. We can do nice things for people and create cool opportunities for them, but ultimately, they decide if they're going to be happy. Kieran is a baby, so he's not quite able to be responsible for his own happiness, but that doesn't make me responsible. I'm responsible for keeping them safe. I'm responsible for teaching them. I'm responsible for keeping them fed, watered and out of harms way. Their happiness is something I hope for, but not something I can control.
It sounds like I really do get it, doesn't it? But, like so many things, it's easier said than done. When your baby cries, you want to comfort him and make him happy again. When your three-year-old is sad, you want to convince him that everything's okay and distract him with something fun. However, if we keep trying to pacify these little people, how will they learn to make themselves happy? How will they learn to choose to do things that make them feel better? They won't. They'll wait for Mommy or Daddy to fix it. Then, when they finally leave home, what will they do? Will they call me every day so that I can make them feel better when they have a tough day at work or their girlfriend breaks up with them? Not an option.
So, even though today wasn't perfect, I did my job. My boys are safe, fed, clothed and well cared for. Maybe they'll be happier after their naps.
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