Comforting Ritual or Bizarre Obsession?

Some of us are more flexible than others.  Some of us have very strict rules, while others are more relaxed.  Some want things to be done exactly the same way every time, while others find that idea to be horrifically boring.  While I tend to fall into the latter group, there are some things that I do the same way every time, simply because it's easier and more efficient.  I do nap time and bedtime routines the same way every day.  I always cut Soren's peanut butter and honey sandwiches into sun and moon shapes.  These things evolved naturally and there were reasons.  Naps and bedtime just work better when the kids know what to expect and when to expect it.  We don't have many arguments.  Soren knows how it goes and, even though he'll try to negotiate for more stories or songs sometimes, he accepts that it's two or three of each.  The peanut butter and honey sandwiches get cut into shapes because he wouldn't try a sandwich at all until I had the idea to cut it into a shape.  Suddenly it became his favorite thing to eat for lunch.  Now it's just the normal thing to do around here.

The time when rituals and routines become a problem is when the boys visit other people's homes.  Gran and Granddad do not do things exactly the way I do.  Neither do Grandma and Grandpap.   Sometimes he refuses to eat anything.  I know this can be frustrating for the people who lovingly prepare things they think he should like, but it really doesn't bother me at all.  He will have to learn to accept that things aren't always done the way Mom and Dad do them.  Such is life.  Sometimes I leave a little crust on his sandwich and I even forget to do every little step of the bedtime routine.  For example, the other night, I forgot to put my hand on his head and say that I felt good dreams in there.  When I got downstairs and turned on the monitor, I heard him crying and saying, 'Mommy!  You didn't feel my head!  Mommy!  I need you to check my head for good dreams!'

Wow.  I went back upstairs and sat down with him.  I explained that sometimes everybody has bad dreams and that no one is really in charge of the kind of dreams that we have.  Sometimes we have good dreams, sometimes we have bad dreams and sometimes we don't even remember our dreams.   I told him that if he thinks about fun things, he's more likely to have good dreams and that's what I mean when I feel his head.  I mean that he has lots of fun things to think about.  I told him that bad dreams can't hurt you.  They are just your imagination working when you're asleep and they aren't real.  I assured him that even when he has a bad dream, he's still safe and sound in his little bed.  Then I kissed him and tucked him back in.

I don't want my kids to be dependent on rituals or for them to think that if we don't do everything the same way all the time that something bad will happen.  Rituals can be nice and comforting, but they aren't mandatory.  Nothing bad happens to you if you don't have your nightlights on.  If you only get one story instead of three, you can still go to sleep.  If your sandwich isn't cut into the shape of a moon and sun, you can still eat it.