Now what?

At this point, hopefully you have a solid marriage and at least one baby. As I mentioned previously, I have two boys. Of course they are brilliant, funny, beautiful, kind little boys. They are also annoying, difficult and frustrating. I happen to be a person who very much lives in the moment, which is a blessing and a curse. When my boys are at their best, I fall completely in love with them and thoroughly enjoy our time together. When my boys become little monsters that I no longer recognize, I want to send them far, far away. I question my abilities as a mother. I wonder if I've made a terrible mistake in deciding to be a stay-at-home-parent. I question my very purpose on this Earth. Then it gets good again and I forget all about the bad parts. It's a roller coaster and it's on a continuous track. I'm happy with my choices 90% of the time. I figure that's pretty good. The other 10%, I'm angry, sad, frustrated or just bored. I think sleeping falls into the 90%, just in case you were wondering. But I digress... Once you have a happy, solid, strong marriage and at least one child, your marriage will be tested in ways you never imagined. You will say things you regret. You will get angry. You will argue. You will get your feelings hurt. These things are inevitable. It is the way you recover (and how quickly) that is completely up to you and your spouse. Do you pout and give the silent treatment for days on end, or do you address the issue, resolve it and move on quickly. My husband and I have had our share of misunderstandings, hurt feelings and ineffective communication, but we resolve the issues quickly and move on. We don't have long memories. We don't bring up past hurts. We stick to the issue at hand and fix it. We go into our discussions with the assumption that the other person was not trying to do harm. I always know that he doesn't try to hurt me. He is my biggest supporter. He loves me more than anyone. Why would he try to hurt me? He wouldn't. I repeat that mantra to myself whenever I feel like he's being inconsiderate, thoughtless or mean. If it doesn't work, I talk to him. I say something like, 'Why did you say/do/not say/not do A,B,or C?' He usually has a very logical and rational answer. If I am still hurt or angry about the issue I tell him that I am hurt and angry and why. If he feels that he was in the wrong, he apologizes. If I realize I was in the wrong, I apologize. Usually we both apologize. Then, the person in the wrong offers a solution, or the person who was wronged makes a request. Maybe there's some negotiating. Once the problem is solved, we stop talking about the issue. There is no need to beat that horse when it is so very dead. Okay, that's how we handle things on a good day. Sometimes I'm not very good at being calm, rational and logical. I'm especially not good at those things when I'm tired, angry or overwhelmed in any way. Unfortunately, you are tired, angry and overwhelmed a great deal of the time when you are a new parent. Your spouse is, too. Cut each other some slack. After all, you are a team. Your goals are the same. Be his advocate, while still being your own. It's possible.