Full-time or Part-time Parent?
We've all heard moms and dads on both sides of this particular issue. I am a Full-Time Mother. I prefer this term to Stay-at-home-mom because I do not 'stay at home'. I am not trapped in my house with my children all day. We spend a great deal of time in our home, but we also go out into the world a lot, too. We go to parks, libraries, restaurants, stores, preschool, play dates, movies, and all kinds of other places. For this reason, I choose to be known as a Full-Time Mother, or a Family Manager. Here's the part where many moms or dads who work outside the home for actual money will say, 'Well, I'm a full-time parent and a full-time banker, mechanic, CEO, whatever.' To this, I say, 'No, you are not.' The definition of full-time is that you spend all of your time doing that job. A full time parent is available to his/her children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with very few exceptions. A full-time employee works at least 40 hours per week. It is impossible to do both, unless you've learned to bi-locate. During the 40 hours a week that the employee is at their paying job, they must have someone else take care of their children. This actually ends up being at least 50 hours per week when you account for the commute. The math is very simple. If someone else is taking care of your children for more than 50 hours a week, you are not a full-time parent.
Now, let's talk about why one parent should be a full-time parent. It is actually quite obvious, if you pay attention to children out in the world. Statistically speaking, children who are raised by a full-time parent do better in school. They are not as likely to develop behavioral issues, etc. However, these are not my only reasons for choosing this path. I chose this vocation because I cannot imagine giving anyone else the privilege of being with my children all day. I want to be the one teaching my children to think and learn. I know that I am the most qualified person to do it. I know that I have the resources available to me that I need to do an excellent job.
This is where people like to say, 'But, Elise, not everyone is able to be a full-time parent. They can't afford it.' To this, I say, 'I beg to differ.' The question is really about how you think your money should be spent. When I decided to get pregnant and stay home, my husband and I went down to one car, we bought a house that cost half the amount of the loan we could have received and we scaled back on many other budget items. It's about priorities. My husband is an excellent financial provider, but I would make this choice even if he weren't. As long as we could pay our bills, it would be fine. Maybe that means a smaller house, a car that's not very cool and not going out to eat or on vacation. You get the point. If you still don't think you can afford for one parent to be a full-time parent, then check your budget. Investigate the cost of childcare, or what you are already spending on childcare. Also look at the money you spend on prepared food, takeout and delivery. Perhaps you have a cleaning lady because you don't have time to do it yourself. Perhaps you have a lot of dry cleaning bills because you have to wear professional clothing. How much do you spend on gas taking you to your childcare provider, to work, to pick up dinner and back? I've only put 3500 miles on my car in the last year. I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry and shopping in addition to educating and caring for my children. That saves a lot of money. Then there's the value that we can't put a price on. My time with my children is absolutely priceless. I don't have to miss a thing. They get the benefit of being raised by the person who cares the most about them. Who has their best interest at heart more than I do??? I understand that there are part-time parents who manage to do a pretty good job. Their children are smart, well-behaved and successful. That's great. It means that those parents have found a great school, daycare, babysitter, nanny or family member to do the parenting while they are not available. It also probably means that those parents are doing a pretty good job of reinforcing what their children are learning from their primary caregiver.
I know this is controversial. That's good. It means we care about children enough to have strong opinions about how we raise them. That's a step in the right direction. The next step is being educated and having an understanding of the impact our decisions make on our children.
I also think it's important to know that I do think women and men have a choice about having one full-time and one part-time parent or two part-time parents. I just happen to think that one full-time and one part-time is the best choice for me and my family. If you disagree, please feel free to respectfully let me know.
Now, let's talk about why one parent should be a full-time parent. It is actually quite obvious, if you pay attention to children out in the world. Statistically speaking, children who are raised by a full-time parent do better in school. They are not as likely to develop behavioral issues, etc. However, these are not my only reasons for choosing this path. I chose this vocation because I cannot imagine giving anyone else the privilege of being with my children all day. I want to be the one teaching my children to think and learn. I know that I am the most qualified person to do it. I know that I have the resources available to me that I need to do an excellent job.
This is where people like to say, 'But, Elise, not everyone is able to be a full-time parent. They can't afford it.' To this, I say, 'I beg to differ.' The question is really about how you think your money should be spent. When I decided to get pregnant and stay home, my husband and I went down to one car, we bought a house that cost half the amount of the loan we could have received and we scaled back on many other budget items. It's about priorities. My husband is an excellent financial provider, but I would make this choice even if he weren't. As long as we could pay our bills, it would be fine. Maybe that means a smaller house, a car that's not very cool and not going out to eat or on vacation. You get the point. If you still don't think you can afford for one parent to be a full-time parent, then check your budget. Investigate the cost of childcare, or what you are already spending on childcare. Also look at the money you spend on prepared food, takeout and delivery. Perhaps you have a cleaning lady because you don't have time to do it yourself. Perhaps you have a lot of dry cleaning bills because you have to wear professional clothing. How much do you spend on gas taking you to your childcare provider, to work, to pick up dinner and back? I've only put 3500 miles on my car in the last year. I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry and shopping in addition to educating and caring for my children. That saves a lot of money. Then there's the value that we can't put a price on. My time with my children is absolutely priceless. I don't have to miss a thing. They get the benefit of being raised by the person who cares the most about them. Who has their best interest at heart more than I do??? I understand that there are part-time parents who manage to do a pretty good job. Their children are smart, well-behaved and successful. That's great. It means that those parents have found a great school, daycare, babysitter, nanny or family member to do the parenting while they are not available. It also probably means that those parents are doing a pretty good job of reinforcing what their children are learning from their primary caregiver.
I know this is controversial. That's good. It means we care about children enough to have strong opinions about how we raise them. That's a step in the right direction. The next step is being educated and having an understanding of the impact our decisions make on our children.
I also think it's important to know that I do think women and men have a choice about having one full-time and one part-time parent or two part-time parents. I just happen to think that one full-time and one part-time is the best choice for me and my family. If you disagree, please feel free to respectfully let me know.
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