How Does the Baby Get in There?
Yes, I tackled this question today... with my five-year-old. He'll be six next month, so we got pretty detailed this afternoon. He asked about marriage and said, 'So, after you kiss, when you're married, then you make a baby in the mommy's belly?'
Um. No. 'Actually, Soren, kissing doesn't make babies. After a man and a woman get married, they have to do something very special to make a baby.'
'What do they do? Kiss a lot?'
'Well, yes, they kiss, but that's not what makes the baby. They actually have to do something else that might sound a little bit strange, but is actually very nice, if it's with two people who love each other very much and want to make a baby.'
'Oh, ok. What is it?'
'Well, the man makes the seeds, or sperm. The woman makes the egg. A baby needs both sperm and egg to start growing. The egg is inside the woman's body and the sperm is inside the man's.'
'How does it get out of the man and into the woman?'
This was when I knew we were really having 'THE TALK'. So, I made a decision. I decided to answer my son's question. I said, 'The man produces the seed in his sperm, which comes out of his penis.'
'It comes out of his penis!?' He looked down. 'But how does it get from there to inside the woman???'
'The woman has a special place, called a vagina. The man puts his penis into her vagina. The sperm comes out of his penis and goes into her vagina. If she has produced an egg within the last couple of days, or if she's about to make one, the sperm can fertilize the egg and a baby might be made. Then, the baby grows in the mommy's uterus for about nine months until it's ready to come out. When the baby is ready, the woman pushes the baby out of her vagina. That's how babies are made.'
It really wasn't that hard. He was very interested. He asked a few more questions. He asked if it hurt to make a baby. I said, 'No, it feels very nice for the man and the woman, as long as both people are gentle and love each other very much.'
He asked if it hurts the woman to push the baby out. I said, 'Yes, but only for a while. Then, after she's finished with that, she has a baby that she loves more than she ever knew she could.'
'Can they give her some medicine to make her feel better?'
'Yes, they can. I had medicine when I had you and Kieran and it really helped a lot.'
'Oh, that's good.'
'Yes, it is.'
That was it. We talked about how men need to be gentlemen and only do this with the woman they want to marry and have children with. We talked about women and how men need to be very respectful and gentle with women, but also with themselves. Men need to be respected and loved by the woman they choose. If she doesn't respect and love you, you shouldn't choose her, because anyone you do this with, could be the mother of your child.
He really seemed to understand. He certainly understands how it works, but I didn't want to leave it at that. I think that, part of the problem with sex education today, is that it comes too late and it only focuses on the 'how'. I want to focus more on the 'why' and the 'responsibility'. We, as parents, don't have to make sex fun. Sex is fun all by itself! However, we have a responsibility to present it in a serious, value-based context. My husband and I are not religious. We were not virgins when we got married. However, we do believe that you shouldn't engage in sex with someone you don't love. Some of us learned that the hard way. I hope my sons don't have to.
I'm sure many people wouldn't discuss sex with a five-year-old. That's ok, too. This was a choice. I knew it was coming. Soren has been dancing around these questions for years, ever since I got pregnant with Kieran. It's my opinion that we should answer our children's questions honestly and to the level they are ready to understand. I think he was ready.
Um. No. 'Actually, Soren, kissing doesn't make babies. After a man and a woman get married, they have to do something very special to make a baby.'
'What do they do? Kiss a lot?'
'Well, yes, they kiss, but that's not what makes the baby. They actually have to do something else that might sound a little bit strange, but is actually very nice, if it's with two people who love each other very much and want to make a baby.'
'Oh, ok. What is it?'
'Well, the man makes the seeds, or sperm. The woman makes the egg. A baby needs both sperm and egg to start growing. The egg is inside the woman's body and the sperm is inside the man's.'
'How does it get out of the man and into the woman?'
This was when I knew we were really having 'THE TALK'. So, I made a decision. I decided to answer my son's question. I said, 'The man produces the seed in his sperm, which comes out of his penis.'
'It comes out of his penis!?' He looked down. 'But how does it get from there to inside the woman???'
'The woman has a special place, called a vagina. The man puts his penis into her vagina. The sperm comes out of his penis and goes into her vagina. If she has produced an egg within the last couple of days, or if she's about to make one, the sperm can fertilize the egg and a baby might be made. Then, the baby grows in the mommy's uterus for about nine months until it's ready to come out. When the baby is ready, the woman pushes the baby out of her vagina. That's how babies are made.'
It really wasn't that hard. He was very interested. He asked a few more questions. He asked if it hurt to make a baby. I said, 'No, it feels very nice for the man and the woman, as long as both people are gentle and love each other very much.'
He asked if it hurts the woman to push the baby out. I said, 'Yes, but only for a while. Then, after she's finished with that, she has a baby that she loves more than she ever knew she could.'
'Can they give her some medicine to make her feel better?'
'Yes, they can. I had medicine when I had you and Kieran and it really helped a lot.'
'Oh, that's good.'
'Yes, it is.'
That was it. We talked about how men need to be gentlemen and only do this with the woman they want to marry and have children with. We talked about women and how men need to be very respectful and gentle with women, but also with themselves. Men need to be respected and loved by the woman they choose. If she doesn't respect and love you, you shouldn't choose her, because anyone you do this with, could be the mother of your child.
He really seemed to understand. He certainly understands how it works, but I didn't want to leave it at that. I think that, part of the problem with sex education today, is that it comes too late and it only focuses on the 'how'. I want to focus more on the 'why' and the 'responsibility'. We, as parents, don't have to make sex fun. Sex is fun all by itself! However, we have a responsibility to present it in a serious, value-based context. My husband and I are not religious. We were not virgins when we got married. However, we do believe that you shouldn't engage in sex with someone you don't love. Some of us learned that the hard way. I hope my sons don't have to.
I'm sure many people wouldn't discuss sex with a five-year-old. That's ok, too. This was a choice. I knew it was coming. Soren has been dancing around these questions for years, ever since I got pregnant with Kieran. It's my opinion that we should answer our children's questions honestly and to the level they are ready to understand. I think he was ready.
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