Teachers, Parents and Parent/Teachers
When I had a paying job, I thought titles were silly and unimportant. I knew what I did and how much value I added. They could call me whatever they wanted to, as long as I got my paycheck, was challenged by my work and enjoyed the people there. Obviously, those criteria weren't always met. In fact, I would say that over 80% of my 10 years in the Information Technology arena was pretty miserable. It just wasn't a good fit for me. I was good at my job as a Business Analyst, but I never really loved it. Sometimes I just plain hated it. However, I couldn't figure out what else I wanted to do. Well, all that changed when I got pregnant with our first child.
I quit my job a few weeks before finding out I was pregnant. That decision had nothing to do with planning a family and everything to do with the fact that I loathed getting up every single morning to go to a job that I hated. Two weeks later, as I was trying to figure out what to do next, I took a pregnancy test. I haven't looked back once.
Now that I've been a stay-at-home-mom for 5 years, I can hardly remember what it was like to get up every morning, shower, put on makeup, get dressed up and walk to the office. That's not really true. I remember sitting at my desk, wishing the clock would move faster. I remember escaping at lunchtime to meet a friend for an hour. I remember bolting out the door at 5:00 on the nose to meet my husband for dinner and drinks. I hated those 40 hours. I loved my time off, but 40 hours a week is a long time to be miserable. Don't get me wrong, I had some friends at the office and there were days when I found my work to be interesting and challenging. Those were the good days. They were few and far between.
Most of the time, I sat and did my work, all the while thinking about more interesting stuff. I thought about my husband. I thought about the life we would have. I fantasized about staying home to raise our children. We always knew that was the plan. It was just a matter of when.
I will say that my fantasy idea of raising children is a bit different from the reality of the situation. It's not that I didn't have a clue... actually, that's exactly what it is. Even if you are a person who has wanted children your whole life, you don't get it until you do it. It is a 24x7 job. It is all consuming. You can't put it away, clock out and go home. It's always on your mind, even when you're doing something else.
That's the part you can't imagine until you do it. That's the part that feels overwhelming. I knew how to take care of babies, change diapers, clean, do laundry and even how to teach little kids. I didn't know how holding my baby for the first time would make me FEEL. The awesome, beautiful and crushing responsibility hit me like a ton of bricks. The love was immediate and more intense than falling in love with my husband. That concept was unimaginable to me before I held that baby. To be fair, I also fell in love with my husband all over again. He gave me that baby. We made a person.
So, we figured out how to nurse. (I say 'we' because the baby has to learn to eat while you learn to feed him.) We figured out how to exist with very little sleep. (That 'we' includes my husband because, after I finished feeding the baby, he would change him, hold him, rock him or whatever he needed to do to keep that baby quiet so I could get a little sleep. We made it through the first six months in some kind of zombie-like state. Then it got a little easier. Then it got harder again. Then it got easier. (Repeat that cycle a billion times.)
Eventually, things were going so well that we decided to have another baby. WHOA! Just when you think you've gotten it all figured out and you've established a rhythm for your family life, go ahead and add another baby! That'll will completely screw everything up again.
I wondered if I would feel that all consuming love for my second baby. I couldn't really imagine loving someone as much as I loved my first. I was scared that the new baby wouldn't get as much adoration and love as my first did. Well, those fears were stupid and totally unfounded. My second son stole my heart, just as his brother did three years before. He made his own space in our family, very quickly. It wasn't that we had to divide our love into two loves. We just doubled the love we already had. It's amazing how that works!
Well, it's been almost 2 years since we brought our baby boy home. My older son is almost 5. I feel like a real mom now. They are thriving, happy, healthy, smart and funny little boys. They also drive me completely insane on a regular basis. I wouldn't change a thing.
So, back to the dilemma of job titles. After my first son was born, I came up with the term, 'Full-Time Parent'. That made me happier than 'stay-at-home-mom' because we don't stay home very much. However, I'm sick of that one. When I say it to other people, it causes a debate. Other moms don't like it, especially if they work outside the home, because they feel that they are full-time moms and full-time employees. If I explain the difference, I alienate those moms. I really don't want to do that. We all make the choices that we think are best for our families.
So, what am I? I'm a Teacher/Parent. Now that my decision to homeschool is 100% certain, I think that term says it all. Yes, I have duties other than teaching. I clean, do laundry, cook, run errands and lots of other stuff. But, since teaching is the most important thing that I do, I choose to focus on that for my title. Also, when I'm doing my other jobs, I can teach my children how to do them with me. My boys both help with cleaning. My big boy helps with cooking and with the grocery shopping.
I guess the most important thing is that I know what my purpose is. I don't need all the other parents of the world to understand, value or even respect my choices. I don't need that validation because I get it by observing my boys. I know I'm doing my job, because I'm getting some remarkable results. Ok, that sounds like I'm tooting my own horn, but guess what? When you're a Teacher/Parent, you have to toot your own horn. There aren't any managers to give you your quarterly review. There's no monthly bonus for achieving your goals. So, Teacher/Parents, TOOT AWAY!
I quit my job a few weeks before finding out I was pregnant. That decision had nothing to do with planning a family and everything to do with the fact that I loathed getting up every single morning to go to a job that I hated. Two weeks later, as I was trying to figure out what to do next, I took a pregnancy test. I haven't looked back once.
Now that I've been a stay-at-home-mom for 5 years, I can hardly remember what it was like to get up every morning, shower, put on makeup, get dressed up and walk to the office. That's not really true. I remember sitting at my desk, wishing the clock would move faster. I remember escaping at lunchtime to meet a friend for an hour. I remember bolting out the door at 5:00 on the nose to meet my husband for dinner and drinks. I hated those 40 hours. I loved my time off, but 40 hours a week is a long time to be miserable. Don't get me wrong, I had some friends at the office and there were days when I found my work to be interesting and challenging. Those were the good days. They were few and far between.
Most of the time, I sat and did my work, all the while thinking about more interesting stuff. I thought about my husband. I thought about the life we would have. I fantasized about staying home to raise our children. We always knew that was the plan. It was just a matter of when.
I will say that my fantasy idea of raising children is a bit different from the reality of the situation. It's not that I didn't have a clue... actually, that's exactly what it is. Even if you are a person who has wanted children your whole life, you don't get it until you do it. It is a 24x7 job. It is all consuming. You can't put it away, clock out and go home. It's always on your mind, even when you're doing something else.
That's the part you can't imagine until you do it. That's the part that feels overwhelming. I knew how to take care of babies, change diapers, clean, do laundry and even how to teach little kids. I didn't know how holding my baby for the first time would make me FEEL. The awesome, beautiful and crushing responsibility hit me like a ton of bricks. The love was immediate and more intense than falling in love with my husband. That concept was unimaginable to me before I held that baby. To be fair, I also fell in love with my husband all over again. He gave me that baby. We made a person.
So, we figured out how to nurse. (I say 'we' because the baby has to learn to eat while you learn to feed him.) We figured out how to exist with very little sleep. (That 'we' includes my husband because, after I finished feeding the baby, he would change him, hold him, rock him or whatever he needed to do to keep that baby quiet so I could get a little sleep. We made it through the first six months in some kind of zombie-like state. Then it got a little easier. Then it got harder again. Then it got easier. (Repeat that cycle a billion times.) Eventually, things were going so well that we decided to have another baby. WHOA! Just when you think you've gotten it all figured out and you've established a rhythm for your family life, go ahead and add another baby! That'll will completely screw everything up again.
I wondered if I would feel that all consuming love for my second baby. I couldn't really imagine loving someone as much as I loved my first. I was scared that the new baby wouldn't get as much adoration and love as my first did. Well, those fears were stupid and totally unfounded. My second son stole my heart, just as his brother did three years before. He made his own space in our family, very quickly. It wasn't that we had to divide our love into two loves. We just doubled the love we already had. It's amazing how that works!
Well, it's been almost 2 years since we brought our baby boy home. My older son is almost 5. I feel like a real mom now. They are thriving, happy, healthy, smart and funny little boys. They also drive me completely insane on a regular basis. I wouldn't change a thing.
So, back to the dilemma of job titles. After my first son was born, I came up with the term, 'Full-Time Parent'. That made me happier than 'stay-at-home-mom' because we don't stay home very much. However, I'm sick of that one. When I say it to other people, it causes a debate. Other moms don't like it, especially if they work outside the home, because they feel that they are full-time moms and full-time employees. If I explain the difference, I alienate those moms. I really don't want to do that. We all make the choices that we think are best for our families.
So, what am I? I'm a Teacher/Parent. Now that my decision to homeschool is 100% certain, I think that term says it all. Yes, I have duties other than teaching. I clean, do laundry, cook, run errands and lots of other stuff. But, since teaching is the most important thing that I do, I choose to focus on that for my title. Also, when I'm doing my other jobs, I can teach my children how to do them with me. My boys both help with cleaning. My big boy helps with cooking and with the grocery shopping. I guess the most important thing is that I know what my purpose is. I don't need all the other parents of the world to understand, value or even respect my choices. I don't need that validation because I get it by observing my boys. I know I'm doing my job, because I'm getting some remarkable results. Ok, that sounds like I'm tooting my own horn, but guess what? When you're a Teacher/Parent, you have to toot your own horn. There aren't any managers to give you your quarterly review. There's no monthly bonus for achieving your goals. So, Teacher/Parents, TOOT AWAY!
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