My Top Priority

My husband and I had a conversation about priorities last night before we fell asleep.  I was overwhelmed by all the changes I'm trying to make right now.  I've attempted many of these changes at least ten times in my life, if not more.  I've started working out, going to the gym with a friend, eating better and focusing on getting my weight down.  I currently need to lose 100 pounds to get to the place that would make me feel healthy and comfortable in my own skin.

It's a big goal.  It's an important one, too.  I feel like I just realized how important it is.  Here's the wake up, ah-ha moment that brought me to this conclusion:

A few weeks ago, on a trip to Florida, we took the boys to Legoland.  My son, Soren, loves rollercoasters.  I don't love them, but he really wanted me to ride with him.  So, my husband took our younger son on a different ride while Soren and I got in line for the flight school rollercoaster.  We met another mom who was there with her daughter and son.  The son was afraid to go on the ride.  Soren was telling him how amazing and fun it would be and that it wouldn't be scary at all.

It was nice to see how friendly, confident and empathetic Soren was acting.  He's that kind of guy.  The mom and I chatted and our time in line passed very quickly.  When it was our turn to get on the coaster, we got in our suspended chairs.  Then the operator came to pull the shoulder restraints down.

That's when it happened.  The operator was unable to pull the restraint over my chest and belly so that it could be secured to the thing between my legs.  It just wouldn't fit.  He said, "Ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you to lift up your boobies."

I laughed and complied while asking, "How many times do you have to say that a day?"

"A lot!"  was his answer.  However, it still wouldn't fit.  I felt like I was being completely squished, like getting a breast exam or something or being crushed by an elephant.  I told him, "Nope, this isn't going to work, I can't suck it in or pull them up any more than this.  I have to get off.  Can my son still ride without me?"

"Uh, sure.  You just have to move him up to this section so the ride is balanced."

So, we did.  I asked Soren if he was okay riding by himself.  His answer was, "Of course!  I'll see you at the exit!"

So, I put my child on the ride and was guided out by the operator.  I said, "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed!"

"Why?  Cuz you have big boobs?  That's silly!  You're beautiful!"

He was very kind.  I almost cried.  Thank God for sunglasses.  "Thanks, you're really sweet, but this is the first thing I haven't been able to fit into and it feels absolutely awful!"

"I can't ride this ride, either, mama!  I'm almost 400 lbs and I can't ride the ride I work on or any other ride in this park!"

"I hear ya.  Thanks.  But I really want to be able ride rides with my kids.  I hate worrying about whether or not I'm going to be able to fit on something.  I gotta fix that."

"Well, then, you can.  You can do anything you put your mind to.  Have a good day!  Don't be sad.  You at Legoland!"

I laughed.  Then I cried, a little, after I was out of earshot of the giggling teenagers who thought it was so funny that the fat lady couldn't fit into the restraints because of her big 'boobies' and belly.

I watched my Soren soar into the sky, around the curves and down the big hills.  He was grinning, the wind was blowing through his hair and he was in heaven!  That made me happy.  I love to watch him, but I'd rather enjoy things WITH him than watch him enjoy them from a distance!

That's why I started doing yoga.  Then I joined a gym.  Then I joined another group on Facebook for motivation and accountability with diet and exercise.  If you need support while achieving your nutrition and fitness goals then Hottie Body Fitzness Challenge can help. It's on Facebook. Go check it out.

I have to put my health first.  It has to be my top priority.  Without it, I can't be the mother, wife, writer or friend that I want to be.  I can't be my best self if I'm 100 pounds overweight with aching knees, ankles and back.  

I can be my best self if I take care of myself.  I'm 40 years old.  It's time.