Never Give Up
I've now been back at a healthy lifestyle for one week. It's a start and big changes are already happening. I've lost nine pounds. That's right. NINE pounds in one week. I've exercised four out of seven days. I've been mindful of every single thing I put into my body. I haven't felt hungry, deprived or depressed. I feel stronger, leaner and healthier already.
I could sit here and ask why it took me so long to get here. I could look at how far I have to go and say, 'It's impossible. It's too hard. I can't do this forever.' Instead, I'm choosing to say:
"I did it for a week, so I can do it for another day. Tomorrow I will say the same thing. Eventually, the days will add up to weeks, the weeks will add up to months and the months will become a year. In one year, if I keep up this pace, I will have reached my goal of 100 pounds. One year."
When you're forty years old, the years don't seem as long as they used to. They go fast and, when they're over, I think, 'Where did the year go?! What did I do with those 365 days?!' The answer for me is, 'I took care of my children. I taught them things, I loved them, I cooked for them, did their laundry and cleaned our house. I focused on them. I love being a mom. I love being my husband's wife. I think I'm good at both of those things, on many levels.
The question is, 'What did I do to take care of myself?' Do you hear those crickets chirping? Can you imagine the blank look of confusion on my tired face? Do you know how absurd it seems that I let yet another year go by without taking care of my health? I wasn't always overweight. I wasn't always unhealthy. 22 years ago, I was beautiful, strong, in good shape and ready to take on the world? WHAT HAPPENED? Life. Life happened. I started prioritizing 'fun' and 'food' and pushing my feelings down with alcohol and caffeine. I'm not an alcoholic, but I definitely used wine, beer and gin to calm down, or let loose. I definitely used food for comfort or celebration so that I could avoid doing the hard work of taking care of my body. I felt separated from my body. I felt like my body was working against me. I felt gorgeous, strong, smart and talented on the inside, but fat, sloppy and lazy on the outside. That conflict only caused me to ignore my body even more, then yo-yo dieting to get 'skinny' for a little while. Each time I did that, I gained all the weight back, plus another ten pounds. So, I went from 138 pounds when I was eighteen to 263 (my heaviest without being pregnant). Those are some astonishing numbers, when I look at them written down. However, I think it's super important to be very honest and open about them. People have eyes. Women don't want to tell people how old we are or how much we weigh, but people can see us! The lines on our faces aren't invisible. The extra pounds we carry can't be hidden by baggy shirts and yoga pants.
I'm forty years old and I weigh 250 pounds, as of this morning. I'm not at my heaviest. I'm not even close to my goal of 150. That's okay. I'm making progress. I will continue to make good choices and get where I want to go. I will focus less on that number and more on how my body actually feels. I will get to know my physical body all over again. This body is capable of more than growing babies, feeding babies and taking care of others. It is capable of supporting itself, feeling good and having tremendous strength and energy. I'm capable of feeling good in my own skin again.
Fast forward to now. I don't feel fat, sloppy or lazy. I feel beautiful, strong and healthy! I can keep going. I will keep going. It's time and it's already happening. I'm already seeing results. I'm already on the right track. Will I have setbacks? Sure. Will I want to give up? Absolutely. Will I give up? NEVER!
I could sit here and ask why it took me so long to get here. I could look at how far I have to go and say, 'It's impossible. It's too hard. I can't do this forever.' Instead, I'm choosing to say:
"I did it for a week, so I can do it for another day. Tomorrow I will say the same thing. Eventually, the days will add up to weeks, the weeks will add up to months and the months will become a year. In one year, if I keep up this pace, I will have reached my goal of 100 pounds. One year."
When you're forty years old, the years don't seem as long as they used to. They go fast and, when they're over, I think, 'Where did the year go?! What did I do with those 365 days?!' The answer for me is, 'I took care of my children. I taught them things, I loved them, I cooked for them, did their laundry and cleaned our house. I focused on them. I love being a mom. I love being my husband's wife. I think I'm good at both of those things, on many levels.
The question is, 'What did I do to take care of myself?' Do you hear those crickets chirping? Can you imagine the blank look of confusion on my tired face? Do you know how absurd it seems that I let yet another year go by without taking care of my health? I wasn't always overweight. I wasn't always unhealthy. 22 years ago, I was beautiful, strong, in good shape and ready to take on the world? WHAT HAPPENED? Life. Life happened. I started prioritizing 'fun' and 'food' and pushing my feelings down with alcohol and caffeine. I'm not an alcoholic, but I definitely used wine, beer and gin to calm down, or let loose. I definitely used food for comfort or celebration so that I could avoid doing the hard work of taking care of my body. I felt separated from my body. I felt like my body was working against me. I felt gorgeous, strong, smart and talented on the inside, but fat, sloppy and lazy on the outside. That conflict only caused me to ignore my body even more, then yo-yo dieting to get 'skinny' for a little while. Each time I did that, I gained all the weight back, plus another ten pounds. So, I went from 138 pounds when I was eighteen to 263 (my heaviest without being pregnant). Those are some astonishing numbers, when I look at them written down. However, I think it's super important to be very honest and open about them. People have eyes. Women don't want to tell people how old we are or how much we weigh, but people can see us! The lines on our faces aren't invisible. The extra pounds we carry can't be hidden by baggy shirts and yoga pants.
I'm forty years old and I weigh 250 pounds, as of this morning. I'm not at my heaviest. I'm not even close to my goal of 150. That's okay. I'm making progress. I will continue to make good choices and get where I want to go. I will focus less on that number and more on how my body actually feels. I will get to know my physical body all over again. This body is capable of more than growing babies, feeding babies and taking care of others. It is capable of supporting itself, feeling good and having tremendous strength and energy. I'm capable of feeling good in my own skin again.
Fast forward to now. I don't feel fat, sloppy or lazy. I feel beautiful, strong and healthy! I can keep going. I will keep going. It's time and it's already happening. I'm already seeing results. I'm already on the right track. Will I have setbacks? Sure. Will I want to give up? Absolutely. Will I give up? NEVER!
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