Rest in Love
"Children must never work for our love; they must rest in it." - Dr. Gordon Neufeld
I read this quote on Facebook this morning and it really resonated with me. Do you ever look at your children and realize that they're trying so hard to get your attention? Do you ever find their attention-seeking behaviors annoying? I know I do. For example, when my husband and I are having a conversation that doesn't include our younger son, he will often start making ridiculous noises or singing. It's annoying. But, he's really saying, 'Don't forget about me! I'm here, too! Can I be part of this?'
Our older son employs different techniques. He starts doing Tae Kwon Do moves or interrupts our conversation to tell us he loves us. He tells us he loves us and that we're the best mom and dad in the whole universe at least twelve times a day. He does this because he wants us to tell him the same thing. We always do, but I admit to being annoyed by the interruptions.
Our boys know that we love them, but they work really hard for our attention. Isn't attention the same as love? Should they have to work so hard for it? Sometimes, even though we spend a great deal of time with our children, I wonder if I really give them enough of my full and undivided attention. Yes, I'm with them all day, but am I really paying enough attention? Am I looking into their eyes while they tell me their secrets? Do I stop to watch them play, dance or or be silly together?
Sometimes, the answer is 'no'. I can't watch them all day. I cook, clean, do laundry, run errands, write, talk on the phone, exercise, etc. Sometimes they join me, but not always. I have so many personal goals that I'm working on right now, that I sometimes forget to let my boys rest in my love. I teach them and help them with their projects, but that's not the same as simply letting them rest in my love. They shouldn't have to work for it. The work they do is for themselves and their own satisfaction, not mine. The love of a parent should be given freely, not earned. It is unconditional, but saying that isn't enough. They have to FEEL it. They have to KNOW it, deep in their hearts. It has to be the GIVEN in their world, where nothing else is free.
My four year old, Kieran, got in trouble this morning. I had just made eggs and toast for us and asked him to come to the table. It was his brother's turn to choose a show to watch and Kieran didn't like that. So, I snapped at him and said, "It's Soren's turn! Sit down at this table, eat your eggs and tell me 'Thank you' for making them!"
He started to cry and then said, "You hate me."
Wow. That stopped me dead in my tracks. I said, "Kieran, I do not hate you. I will never hate you. I love you. I've always loved you and I will never stop loving you. Just because I correct your behavior, does not mean I don't love you."
We moved on, but that moment is sticking with me. I want them to rest in my love. I rest in my husband's love. I don't have to work for it. I know it's there no matter what. He is my safe place. The place where I know I'm completely accepted. I am that place for him, too. That is what I need to be for my boys. They will have to work for so many things in life. My love will never be one of them.
I read this quote on Facebook this morning and it really resonated with me. Do you ever look at your children and realize that they're trying so hard to get your attention? Do you ever find their attention-seeking behaviors annoying? I know I do. For example, when my husband and I are having a conversation that doesn't include our younger son, he will often start making ridiculous noises or singing. It's annoying. But, he's really saying, 'Don't forget about me! I'm here, too! Can I be part of this?'
Our older son employs different techniques. He starts doing Tae Kwon Do moves or interrupts our conversation to tell us he loves us. He tells us he loves us and that we're the best mom and dad in the whole universe at least twelve times a day. He does this because he wants us to tell him the same thing. We always do, but I admit to being annoyed by the interruptions.
Our boys know that we love them, but they work really hard for our attention. Isn't attention the same as love? Should they have to work so hard for it? Sometimes, even though we spend a great deal of time with our children, I wonder if I really give them enough of my full and undivided attention. Yes, I'm with them all day, but am I really paying enough attention? Am I looking into their eyes while they tell me their secrets? Do I stop to watch them play, dance or or be silly together?
Sometimes, the answer is 'no'. I can't watch them all day. I cook, clean, do laundry, run errands, write, talk on the phone, exercise, etc. Sometimes they join me, but not always. I have so many personal goals that I'm working on right now, that I sometimes forget to let my boys rest in my love. I teach them and help them with their projects, but that's not the same as simply letting them rest in my love. They shouldn't have to work for it. The work they do is for themselves and their own satisfaction, not mine. The love of a parent should be given freely, not earned. It is unconditional, but saying that isn't enough. They have to FEEL it. They have to KNOW it, deep in their hearts. It has to be the GIVEN in their world, where nothing else is free.
My four year old, Kieran, got in trouble this morning. I had just made eggs and toast for us and asked him to come to the table. It was his brother's turn to choose a show to watch and Kieran didn't like that. So, I snapped at him and said, "It's Soren's turn! Sit down at this table, eat your eggs and tell me 'Thank you' for making them!"
He started to cry and then said, "You hate me."
Wow. That stopped me dead in my tracks. I said, "Kieran, I do not hate you. I will never hate you. I love you. I've always loved you and I will never stop loving you. Just because I correct your behavior, does not mean I don't love you."
We moved on, but that moment is sticking with me. I want them to rest in my love. I rest in my husband's love. I don't have to work for it. I know it's there no matter what. He is my safe place. The place where I know I'm completely accepted. I am that place for him, too. That is what I need to be for my boys. They will have to work for so many things in life. My love will never be one of them.
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