Critics and Cowards
Whenever we do things that go against the 'norm', there will be critics. I've always found criticism to be annoying and counterproductive. The term 'constructive criticism' is oxymoronic at best. It was invented by critics who claim an altruistic motive. In reality, critics enjoy tearing others down. They are insecure, sad people. They envy the people who are capable of taking a risk and trying something new. They are cowards.
When we decide to try something new, ignoring the critics can be one of the most difficult parts of the process. There are those who say, 'Well, you've tried and failed before.' Or, 'What makes you think you're qualified to do that?' Or, my personal favorite, 'You're not doing as well as you think you are.' They are the ones who constantly compare you to others, rather than celebrating the individual. They don't value the individual, only the mediocre masses and the victims. It's hating the good for being good.
What we have to remember is that critics are really criticizing themselves. They are so afraid of failure that they don't try new things. They're so afraid of what other's might think of them that they spend their time criticizing others, rather than taking the risk of being exposed.
When people tell me that I'll give up on my weight loss and fitness plan, because that's happened in the past, it makes me angry. Are these my friends? Do friends tell you that they don't think you can do it? I don't think so. It's going to be fun to prove them wrong, but that's really not my motivation. My motivation is internal.
When someone tells me that my children are missing out on something because they don't go to school, I admit to being furious. When they tell me that my child isn't really doing as well as our assessor stated, I want to jump right out of my skin. I'm not proud of that reaction. I don't want to be angry. Allowing someone to make me angry is a form of weakness on my part. I took the bait, again. I set myself up for it. I hoped that people would want to celebrate our success with us, but that's not the case.
I still feel the need to defend my choices. I feel the need say, 'You have no idea what my son is capable of or what he does on a daily basis. You have no idea how hard I work to make sure both my boys learn, grow and realize their own potential. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Our process is very different, but that doesn't mean we're missing some vital thing that only school can provide. Here's what we're missing:
1...
That's right, we're not missing anything of value. In fact the only things we're missing are negatives. Bullying, unnecessary rules, lack of freedom, lack of independent thinking, brainwashing, conformist values... The list goes on.
The things people claim we're missing, like 'socialization' and group activities, are not missing at all. My boys play with other children every single day. Correct me if I'm wrong, but recess is limited to about 30 minutes in school. My boys play with kids of varying ages and backgrounds, right in our neighborhood. Soren also goes to Tae Kwon Do with about twenty other kids, twice a week. We take the boys everywhere we go and they talk with grownups and kids from all walks of life. In fact, they are more social than most adults, let alone children their age. Our assessor told me that Soren is performing on a third or fourth grade level in most subjects.
Unschoolers don't care about grade levels and the standards of the State, but we still live in the world and I use this information to give the critics a better understanding of what we do. Soren is seven years old and would just be finishing first grade this month, if he went to school. It makes me so happy to know he doesn't have to waste his time doing busy work because he's ahead of the rest of the class.
Here's what my boys gain by being unschoolers:
1. Freedom and the ability to go at their own pace.
2. Independence
3. A true sense of self
4. Understanding of cause and effect
5. Responsibility
6. Accountability
7. Integrity
8. Love of Life and Learning
I get to watch my boys' eyes light up when they discover something new. I don't tell them what to learn or how to learn it. I answer questions. I provide resources and opportunities. Then I watch them take off. No one is better qualified to do this than I am. Critics often point out that not everyone can homeschool and that I can't claim that homeschooling is the only way to get a good education. Not everyone chooses to homeschool and I really couldn't care less about that. I have no control over other people's choices. Furthermore, I never claimed that homeschooling is the only way to get a good education. It's simply the best possible way for our family. Everyone else gets to make what they think is the best choice for their family. It's just not relevant to this family.
Stay the course, no matter what your critics say. If you get angry, use that anger as fuel. Eventually I will train myself not to allow critics to impact me at all. Today is not that day. I'm not sure how long it will take me to get there, but I will. The anger only feeds the critics. If we deprive them of a reaction, they will starve.
When we decide to try something new, ignoring the critics can be one of the most difficult parts of the process. There are those who say, 'Well, you've tried and failed before.' Or, 'What makes you think you're qualified to do that?' Or, my personal favorite, 'You're not doing as well as you think you are.' They are the ones who constantly compare you to others, rather than celebrating the individual. They don't value the individual, only the mediocre masses and the victims. It's hating the good for being good.
What we have to remember is that critics are really criticizing themselves. They are so afraid of failure that they don't try new things. They're so afraid of what other's might think of them that they spend their time criticizing others, rather than taking the risk of being exposed.
When people tell me that I'll give up on my weight loss and fitness plan, because that's happened in the past, it makes me angry. Are these my friends? Do friends tell you that they don't think you can do it? I don't think so. It's going to be fun to prove them wrong, but that's really not my motivation. My motivation is internal.
When someone tells me that my children are missing out on something because they don't go to school, I admit to being furious. When they tell me that my child isn't really doing as well as our assessor stated, I want to jump right out of my skin. I'm not proud of that reaction. I don't want to be angry. Allowing someone to make me angry is a form of weakness on my part. I took the bait, again. I set myself up for it. I hoped that people would want to celebrate our success with us, but that's not the case.
I still feel the need to defend my choices. I feel the need say, 'You have no idea what my son is capable of or what he does on a daily basis. You have no idea how hard I work to make sure both my boys learn, grow and realize their own potential. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Our process is very different, but that doesn't mean we're missing some vital thing that only school can provide. Here's what we're missing:
1...
That's right, we're not missing anything of value. In fact the only things we're missing are negatives. Bullying, unnecessary rules, lack of freedom, lack of independent thinking, brainwashing, conformist values... The list goes on.
The things people claim we're missing, like 'socialization' and group activities, are not missing at all. My boys play with other children every single day. Correct me if I'm wrong, but recess is limited to about 30 minutes in school. My boys play with kids of varying ages and backgrounds, right in our neighborhood. Soren also goes to Tae Kwon Do with about twenty other kids, twice a week. We take the boys everywhere we go and they talk with grownups and kids from all walks of life. In fact, they are more social than most adults, let alone children their age. Our assessor told me that Soren is performing on a third or fourth grade level in most subjects.
Unschoolers don't care about grade levels and the standards of the State, but we still live in the world and I use this information to give the critics a better understanding of what we do. Soren is seven years old and would just be finishing first grade this month, if he went to school. It makes me so happy to know he doesn't have to waste his time doing busy work because he's ahead of the rest of the class.
Here's what my boys gain by being unschoolers:
1. Freedom and the ability to go at their own pace.
2. Independence
3. A true sense of self
4. Understanding of cause and effect
5. Responsibility
6. Accountability
7. Integrity
8. Love of Life and Learning
I get to watch my boys' eyes light up when they discover something new. I don't tell them what to learn or how to learn it. I answer questions. I provide resources and opportunities. Then I watch them take off. No one is better qualified to do this than I am. Critics often point out that not everyone can homeschool and that I can't claim that homeschooling is the only way to get a good education. Not everyone chooses to homeschool and I really couldn't care less about that. I have no control over other people's choices. Furthermore, I never claimed that homeschooling is the only way to get a good education. It's simply the best possible way for our family. Everyone else gets to make what they think is the best choice for their family. It's just not relevant to this family.
Stay the course, no matter what your critics say. If you get angry, use that anger as fuel. Eventually I will train myself not to allow critics to impact me at all. Today is not that day. I'm not sure how long it will take me to get there, but I will. The anger only feeds the critics. If we deprive them of a reaction, they will starve.
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