Ignore the Warnings!
When I met my husband, seventeen years ago, there was a huge, neon warning sign hanging over his head. He was going through a divorce. His ex had just moved out of his house earlier that day. WARNING! Still, I went with my gut. My gut, and every other part of my body, told me to stay and get to know this man. When I was with him, I felt safe, happy and instantly connected. I fell in love quickly and completely. I had never felt that way before. I thought I had, but all of my previous feelings paled in comparison to the way I felt with Bill.
We broke up six months later. He didn't want to get married again. He didn't want children. I was too needy. The more I clung to him, the worse it got. I was devastated. It seemed impossible to be happy without him. Nonetheless, I moved on, eventually. I took better care of myself. I went back to school, got a new job and moved to a new city. I got involved in community theater. I dated.
Five years later, Bill called me. His voice instantly erased all the years we'd spent apart and I knew I'd never really stopped loving him. Still, the warning bells went off in my head. My friends and family told me not to get involved with him again. The man I was dating told me not to take the risk. I didn't listen to any of it. I jumped right back in. It's not that I wasn't afraid. Of course I was. What if we failed again? What if I lost him for the second time? It was terrifying, but I chose to take the risk. It would be different this time, because he said he wanted to marry me and start a family. I believed him. He had never lied to me.
We moved in together a few months later. Again, we were warned. Many people said it was too risky to live together before marriage. Even Bill wanted to wait until we were officially engaged. No. I couldn't wait. I wanted him to know exactly what he was getting into and I couldn't stand to waste one more day without him.
We bought a house before we got married. Risky, yes, but we did get married a few months later. A lot of people talked about how hard the first year of marriage is. It wasn't. People then warned us against starting a family too soon. We chose to get pregnant six months after the wedding. Then we were warned about the strain a new baby can put on a marriage. They were wrong. Soren brought us closer together.
When we decided to have a second child, we were warned about how difficult life would be with a toddler and a new baby. People warned us not to ignore our marriage, but to make sure we put the children first. What?! We didn't listen. We did it our way. Our love for Soren and Kieran made our marriage stronger. We saw each other grow into loving parents. There's nothing sexier than your husband taking care of your babies.
We've been married for almost nine years. People warned us about the 'seven-year-itch'. It didn't happen. The idea of being with another man is not only uninteresting to me, it's repulsive. He is part of me. Hurting 'us' is unthinkable.
Don't get me wrong. We don't have a perfect marriage, perfect children or perfect lives. We are imperfect people who have terrible days. We have failed, both together, and as individuals. We've argued, misunderstood each other and hurt each other. We are human beings. However, there's never been one moment of one day that we wanted to give up on each other. Not one. Our worst days together are better than our best days apart. In fact, our worst days are what make us stronger. The sleepless nights, loss of loved ones, professional challenges, financial distress, sick kids, temper tantrums and the monotony of daily life can make or break us. They've made us better. They are integral threads in the tapestry we're weaving. They are the strongest parts because we had to fight together.
Sometimes, you have to ignore all the cautionary tales and do what you KNOW is right. I'm so glad we did. I don't care where we end up, as long as we get there together.
We broke up six months later. He didn't want to get married again. He didn't want children. I was too needy. The more I clung to him, the worse it got. I was devastated. It seemed impossible to be happy without him. Nonetheless, I moved on, eventually. I took better care of myself. I went back to school, got a new job and moved to a new city. I got involved in community theater. I dated.
Five years later, Bill called me. His voice instantly erased all the years we'd spent apart and I knew I'd never really stopped loving him. Still, the warning bells went off in my head. My friends and family told me not to get involved with him again. The man I was dating told me not to take the risk. I didn't listen to any of it. I jumped right back in. It's not that I wasn't afraid. Of course I was. What if we failed again? What if I lost him for the second time? It was terrifying, but I chose to take the risk. It would be different this time, because he said he wanted to marry me and start a family. I believed him. He had never lied to me.
We moved in together a few months later. Again, we were warned. Many people said it was too risky to live together before marriage. Even Bill wanted to wait until we were officially engaged. No. I couldn't wait. I wanted him to know exactly what he was getting into and I couldn't stand to waste one more day without him.
We bought a house before we got married. Risky, yes, but we did get married a few months later. A lot of people talked about how hard the first year of marriage is. It wasn't. People then warned us against starting a family too soon. We chose to get pregnant six months after the wedding. Then we were warned about the strain a new baby can put on a marriage. They were wrong. Soren brought us closer together.
When we decided to have a second child, we were warned about how difficult life would be with a toddler and a new baby. People warned us not to ignore our marriage, but to make sure we put the children first. What?! We didn't listen. We did it our way. Our love for Soren and Kieran made our marriage stronger. We saw each other grow into loving parents. There's nothing sexier than your husband taking care of your babies.
We've been married for almost nine years. People warned us about the 'seven-year-itch'. It didn't happen. The idea of being with another man is not only uninteresting to me, it's repulsive. He is part of me. Hurting 'us' is unthinkable.
Don't get me wrong. We don't have a perfect marriage, perfect children or perfect lives. We are imperfect people who have terrible days. We have failed, both together, and as individuals. We've argued, misunderstood each other and hurt each other. We are human beings. However, there's never been one moment of one day that we wanted to give up on each other. Not one. Our worst days together are better than our best days apart. In fact, our worst days are what make us stronger. The sleepless nights, loss of loved ones, professional challenges, financial distress, sick kids, temper tantrums and the monotony of daily life can make or break us. They've made us better. They are integral threads in the tapestry we're weaving. They are the strongest parts because we had to fight together.
Sometimes, you have to ignore all the cautionary tales and do what you KNOW is right. I'm so glad we did. I don't care where we end up, as long as we get there together.
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