I Don't Need You to Need Me
As I sit on my couch with my foot propped up and a bag of ice on the part that is sprained, I'm overwhelmed with the silence in my house and the things I've learned in the last three days. First, perhaps I've finally learned to watch where I'm going and not simply step into a hole in the concrete curb on our street. I broke my right foot about ten years ago doing something similarly foolish. This time, it's the left that is pretty badly sprained. My first thought, as I fell to the ground and my husband jumped out of the car to help me, was, 'I'm so stupid! How am I going to take care of my boys with a broken foot?!'
Luckily, it's not broken, but I still can't put much weight on it and there's no way I can take care of the baby by myself if I can't carry him around. So, as usual, my husband and my family have stepped up. My husband, Bill, immediately took over. He got the boys back into the house and came back to help me. We have a billion steps going up to our front door and, as I hobbled up, holding onto the railing with one hand and him with the other, I thought of the other two times he's had to help me into the house after our sons were born.
Once we got inside and got some ice on my foot, we realized I needed to go to the urgent care. As Bill got me some Advil, Soren, our three-year-old, just stood in front of me frowning. I thought he was mad that we didn't get to go to the mall and brunch, which is where we were going when I tripped getting into the car. I told him I was sorry that we couldn't go, but that I hurt my foot pretty badly and daddy would have to take me to a doctor. He kept staring and scowling at me. It dawned on me that he might just be worried and freaked out to see his mom crying and bleeding. I said that it hurt but that I would be fine and that he doesn't have to worry. Still, no response. Just an angry stare. I asked if I scared him. 'Yes, you did!' We're alike in that way, Soren and I. We turn our fear and worry into anger. He finally softened, realized I was fine and came to sit next to me.
I called my parents and they were at our house in about 30 minutes to stay with the boys. Bill and I got home from the urgent care a few hours later and we all had pizza together. They went home and said to call if they could help.
The next day, Bill did my job. He didn't ask any questions. He didn't complain. He just did everything I do. He fed the boys, changed the baby, gave them baths, played with them, put them down for naps and even did three loads of laundry. He brought me drinks and snacks and refilled my bag of ice when I needed him to. He made lunch for all of us.
I watched our household carry on very well... without me. I didn't feel guilty or sad. I felt PROUD and very grateful. Bill took care of everything and it went very smoothly. I did snuggle with Soren and hold the baby, but the baby isn't content to be held for long. He wants to move! Soren and I did some workbook pages together and practiced his letters and numbers, but that was about all I could do. He was worried about me. He's never seen me injured or sick, just pregnant. I tried to reassure him that I was fine and that my foot would feel better soon. He told me he would kiss it. He told me he would carry me around so I didn't have to walk on it. He said he would take care of me. He said he would buy me one of those stuffed animals that you put in the freezer or the microwave for boo-boos. He said he would go to Kroger, pick one out, give the lady his money and then drive the car home. Then he looked very serious and confused and said he couldn't remember which way to steer the car to get home. I told him that Daddy would make sure I had everything I needed and he didn't have to worry. He asked every hour or so if it was feeling better yet. He said it was taking too long. I agreed.
I called my parents and asked if they could take the boys today and overnight. They agreed immediately. I called a little while ago to see how they were doing and Soren got on the phone. The first thing he said to me was, 'Hi, Mom. I'm having a lot of fun and I'm being a very good boy.' Those were the last things I told him to do when I said sent them off this morning. He told me about his day with Granddad and, when it was time to say good-bye, he said, 'I love you, my love.'
I've been reading and relaxing all day. I've had the house to myself and it's been lovely, actually. But I'm so glad that it's not always this quiet. The best part about all of this is that it proves, once again, that we are a great team. When one person goes down, the rest pick up the slack. I'm reminded, time and time again, of how fortunate I am and of what a brilliant choice I made when I married Bill. He's not a hand-holder in these situations, but he will take care of everything. He will do what needs to be done. He'll do it well, without complaint. That's more than fine with me, because I don't need my hand held. I need my children to be taken care of. I need to know that I'm not needed, just for a few days.
Luckily, it's not broken, but I still can't put much weight on it and there's no way I can take care of the baby by myself if I can't carry him around. So, as usual, my husband and my family have stepped up. My husband, Bill, immediately took over. He got the boys back into the house and came back to help me. We have a billion steps going up to our front door and, as I hobbled up, holding onto the railing with one hand and him with the other, I thought of the other two times he's had to help me into the house after our sons were born.
Once we got inside and got some ice on my foot, we realized I needed to go to the urgent care. As Bill got me some Advil, Soren, our three-year-old, just stood in front of me frowning. I thought he was mad that we didn't get to go to the mall and brunch, which is where we were going when I tripped getting into the car. I told him I was sorry that we couldn't go, but that I hurt my foot pretty badly and daddy would have to take me to a doctor. He kept staring and scowling at me. It dawned on me that he might just be worried and freaked out to see his mom crying and bleeding. I said that it hurt but that I would be fine and that he doesn't have to worry. Still, no response. Just an angry stare. I asked if I scared him. 'Yes, you did!' We're alike in that way, Soren and I. We turn our fear and worry into anger. He finally softened, realized I was fine and came to sit next to me.
I called my parents and they were at our house in about 30 minutes to stay with the boys. Bill and I got home from the urgent care a few hours later and we all had pizza together. They went home and said to call if they could help.
The next day, Bill did my job. He didn't ask any questions. He didn't complain. He just did everything I do. He fed the boys, changed the baby, gave them baths, played with them, put them down for naps and even did three loads of laundry. He brought me drinks and snacks and refilled my bag of ice when I needed him to. He made lunch for all of us.
I watched our household carry on very well... without me. I didn't feel guilty or sad. I felt PROUD and very grateful. Bill took care of everything and it went very smoothly. I did snuggle with Soren and hold the baby, but the baby isn't content to be held for long. He wants to move! Soren and I did some workbook pages together and practiced his letters and numbers, but that was about all I could do. He was worried about me. He's never seen me injured or sick, just pregnant. I tried to reassure him that I was fine and that my foot would feel better soon. He told me he would kiss it. He told me he would carry me around so I didn't have to walk on it. He said he would take care of me. He said he would buy me one of those stuffed animals that you put in the freezer or the microwave for boo-boos. He said he would go to Kroger, pick one out, give the lady his money and then drive the car home. Then he looked very serious and confused and said he couldn't remember which way to steer the car to get home. I told him that Daddy would make sure I had everything I needed and he didn't have to worry. He asked every hour or so if it was feeling better yet. He said it was taking too long. I agreed.
I called my parents and asked if they could take the boys today and overnight. They agreed immediately. I called a little while ago to see how they were doing and Soren got on the phone. The first thing he said to me was, 'Hi, Mom. I'm having a lot of fun and I'm being a very good boy.' Those were the last things I told him to do when I said sent them off this morning. He told me about his day with Granddad and, when it was time to say good-bye, he said, 'I love you, my love.'
I've been reading and relaxing all day. I've had the house to myself and it's been lovely, actually. But I'm so glad that it's not always this quiet. The best part about all of this is that it proves, once again, that we are a great team. When one person goes down, the rest pick up the slack. I'm reminded, time and time again, of how fortunate I am and of what a brilliant choice I made when I married Bill. He's not a hand-holder in these situations, but he will take care of everything. He will do what needs to be done. He'll do it well, without complaint. That's more than fine with me, because I don't need my hand held. I need my children to be taken care of. I need to know that I'm not needed, just for a few days.
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