Tomorrow is Another Day
I know I'm not Scarlett O'Hara, but I've always liked her, 'Tomorrow is another day' philosophy. It's true. It's simple. It helps me get through the nonsense and move towards the future. We really do get a new chance with each day. That doesn't mean we should live like there is no tomorrow and allow our actions to make our future impossible, but it does mean that we can let the past stay where it belongs and move on.
Yesterday was a day that will forever be burned in my memory. There are many reasons for this. It started like any other day. I woke up at 5:00 am, went downstairs to the kitchen, got myself a glass of orange juice and turned on the fireplace. I sat on the couch and checked Facebook, email and did a little writing until Kieran woke up at 5:30. We ate breakfast, chatted about anything that popped into his three year old brain and just enjoyed some snuggle time.
Soren woke up around 6:00 and Bill came down around the same time. Our morning progressed, uneventfully for a couple of hours. Kieran then asked if Soren would go down to the basement to play. Soren declined. He was playing his iPad and was engrossed. Kieran then asked Bill, but Bill had to get ready for work. I was last on his list, but I was cleaning up the breakfast stuff, getting laundry started and generally straightening our space. I said we would be down soon to start school.
Kieran proceeded to go down to the basement by himself. Looking back, I realize he felt rejected and ignored, but I was too busy to notice that at the time. After about ten minutes, I heard a great deal of banging. I asked Soren to go see what was going on. He went downstairs and came right back up, in tears. Kieran had taken one of the new light sabers (Star Wars is our passion right now) and destroyed one of Soren's new Lego creations. The pieces were everywhere. It looked like a war zone, if the war were between Darth Vader and Lego Batman.
I took the light saber away from Kieran and said he wasn't allowed to use it for the rest of the day. I asked why he destroyed Soren's Lego Batman thing. He said, 'Because I did.' I told him to go to his room because we don't destroy other people's stuff in this house. I told him that Soren had worked for days building that set. I told him his behavior was unacceptable. He cried and went to his room. I had to hold the door closed because he threw a serious tantrum.
When he was finally calm, I opened the door. I asked if he understood why he had to go to his room. He said, 'Cuz I broke Soren's Legos and that's not being a nice friend.'
'That's right. Now, we're going to go downstairs. You're going to apologize to Soren and help him find all his pieces so we can rebuild the lego set. He did. Soren was still pretty pissed. He accepted his brother's apology and help, but he wasn't happy. We all looked for the pieces and gathered them together. The, Soren noticed a piece was missing and started to get angry all over again. He told Kieran to give him all his dollars so that he could buy new pieces. Kieran went upstairs, got his bank, and brought it down for Soren. He gave Soren every dollar in his bank, which was four.
I stepped in at this point. I asked Soren if he thought this was fair. Soren said, 'Well, he lost the pieces, so he needs to give me his money so I can buy new ones.'
I said, 'How much do you think those two pieces cost?'
'I don't know.'
'Well, they wouldn't cost four dollars. Let's work harder to find those pieces, instead of taking Kieran's money.' We continued looking and finally found all the pieces. Kieran got to keep his money. Kieran then offered to help Soren rebuild the set. Soren did not want his help.
'No, Kieran. You aren't allowed to touch my Legos anymore. You can't even play with them at all!'
Kieran started to cry, but I think this was fair. They are Soren's Legos. Soren is allowed to determine who will play with them. I explained that to Kieran, who was still in despair, but he finally understood. He chose to work on something else while Sore rebuilt his Bat Boat, or whatever it is.
I started doing my school work. We were in the classroom, and it was a natural transition to school time. The next three hours were wonderful, as usual. Homeschooling suits all of us very well. I love the Montessori method, the boys love it and we're truly thriving whenever we're working together.
After school, we came upstairs for lunch. After lunch, the boys played for a bit and then it was Kieran's nap time. He took a two hour nap and Soren and I got to build an amazing cardboard super hero costume, which he designed and cut out himself. It took the entire nap time.
Kieran woke up pretty cranky and whiny, as usual. Bill left for a dinner meeting, but not before we had an argument about how many evenings he's been out. I was stressed out and mean. It's the same fight we always have. I get overloaded and overwhelmed with the kids, he has a week where he needs to work a lot and it's the perfect storm. I was yelling and he left the house angry. (We still said, 'I love you.')
After I gave the boys their baths, I put Kieran to bed. He told me I was a 'bad friend'. I said, 'That's alright. Thank you! I'm your mother, not your friend.' When I went to Soren's room and told him bedtime was early because I was so tired, he said, 'Why are you so tired? You didn't do much today!' Instead of exploding at him, which every ounce of my being wanted to do, I said:
'Well, actually, I'm tired because I got up at 5:00 am and I've been working for over fourteen hours now. I took care of you and Kieran all day, I taught school, I cooked meals, did laundry and cleaned up the house. I gave you baths, settled fights and made cardboard super hero costumes. Those are my jobs. They may not seem like work to you, because we enjoy a lot of if, but trust me, it's a really big job.'
'Oh, I didn't know that. It doesn't seem like you work very hard.'
Again, I almost exploded, but instead I said, 'Thanks! If I make it look easy, then I'm doing something right! You'll understand when you're a dad. Oh, and Soren, never tell your future wife that she doesn't work hard. I'm your mom, so I forgive you, but she might not.' I kissed him and turned out the light.
I went downstairs to make a stiff drink. That's when I started to feel guilty for yelling at Bill. He didn't do anything wrong. I just had an overwhelming day and took it out on him. It wasn't fair. I sent him a text message saying exactly that and apologizing. I heard nothing back for two hours. When he finally replied, he just said, 'I love you. I'm bringing treats home.'
I almost cried. This is marriage. This is parenthood. This is homeschooling and love and challenge. This is the life I always wanted. When Bill walked in the door, we both apologized, even though he really didn't have anything to apologize for. We had a drink together and talked about our days. I wrote some more in my novel and read him a couple of pages. He then read some of his own lyrics for a song he'd written years ago. We shared our whole selves. We got back on track. This is how we do it at our house.
Tomorrow really is another day.
Yesterday was a day that will forever be burned in my memory. There are many reasons for this. It started like any other day. I woke up at 5:00 am, went downstairs to the kitchen, got myself a glass of orange juice and turned on the fireplace. I sat on the couch and checked Facebook, email and did a little writing until Kieran woke up at 5:30. We ate breakfast, chatted about anything that popped into his three year old brain and just enjoyed some snuggle time.
Soren woke up around 6:00 and Bill came down around the same time. Our morning progressed, uneventfully for a couple of hours. Kieran then asked if Soren would go down to the basement to play. Soren declined. He was playing his iPad and was engrossed. Kieran then asked Bill, but Bill had to get ready for work. I was last on his list, but I was cleaning up the breakfast stuff, getting laundry started and generally straightening our space. I said we would be down soon to start school.
Kieran proceeded to go down to the basement by himself. Looking back, I realize he felt rejected and ignored, but I was too busy to notice that at the time. After about ten minutes, I heard a great deal of banging. I asked Soren to go see what was going on. He went downstairs and came right back up, in tears. Kieran had taken one of the new light sabers (Star Wars is our passion right now) and destroyed one of Soren's new Lego creations. The pieces were everywhere. It looked like a war zone, if the war were between Darth Vader and Lego Batman.
I took the light saber away from Kieran and said he wasn't allowed to use it for the rest of the day. I asked why he destroyed Soren's Lego Batman thing. He said, 'Because I did.' I told him to go to his room because we don't destroy other people's stuff in this house. I told him that Soren had worked for days building that set. I told him his behavior was unacceptable. He cried and went to his room. I had to hold the door closed because he threw a serious tantrum.
When he was finally calm, I opened the door. I asked if he understood why he had to go to his room. He said, 'Cuz I broke Soren's Legos and that's not being a nice friend.'
'That's right. Now, we're going to go downstairs. You're going to apologize to Soren and help him find all his pieces so we can rebuild the lego set. He did. Soren was still pretty pissed. He accepted his brother's apology and help, but he wasn't happy. We all looked for the pieces and gathered them together. The, Soren noticed a piece was missing and started to get angry all over again. He told Kieran to give him all his dollars so that he could buy new pieces. Kieran went upstairs, got his bank, and brought it down for Soren. He gave Soren every dollar in his bank, which was four.
I stepped in at this point. I asked Soren if he thought this was fair. Soren said, 'Well, he lost the pieces, so he needs to give me his money so I can buy new ones.'
I said, 'How much do you think those two pieces cost?'
'I don't know.'
'Well, they wouldn't cost four dollars. Let's work harder to find those pieces, instead of taking Kieran's money.' We continued looking and finally found all the pieces. Kieran got to keep his money. Kieran then offered to help Soren rebuild the set. Soren did not want his help.
'No, Kieran. You aren't allowed to touch my Legos anymore. You can't even play with them at all!'
Kieran started to cry, but I think this was fair. They are Soren's Legos. Soren is allowed to determine who will play with them. I explained that to Kieran, who was still in despair, but he finally understood. He chose to work on something else while Sore rebuilt his Bat Boat, or whatever it is.
I started doing my school work. We were in the classroom, and it was a natural transition to school time. The next three hours were wonderful, as usual. Homeschooling suits all of us very well. I love the Montessori method, the boys love it and we're truly thriving whenever we're working together.
After school, we came upstairs for lunch. After lunch, the boys played for a bit and then it was Kieran's nap time. He took a two hour nap and Soren and I got to build an amazing cardboard super hero costume, which he designed and cut out himself. It took the entire nap time.
Kieran woke up pretty cranky and whiny, as usual. Bill left for a dinner meeting, but not before we had an argument about how many evenings he's been out. I was stressed out and mean. It's the same fight we always have. I get overloaded and overwhelmed with the kids, he has a week where he needs to work a lot and it's the perfect storm. I was yelling and he left the house angry. (We still said, 'I love you.')
After I gave the boys their baths, I put Kieran to bed. He told me I was a 'bad friend'. I said, 'That's alright. Thank you! I'm your mother, not your friend.' When I went to Soren's room and told him bedtime was early because I was so tired, he said, 'Why are you so tired? You didn't do much today!' Instead of exploding at him, which every ounce of my being wanted to do, I said:
'Well, actually, I'm tired because I got up at 5:00 am and I've been working for over fourteen hours now. I took care of you and Kieran all day, I taught school, I cooked meals, did laundry and cleaned up the house. I gave you baths, settled fights and made cardboard super hero costumes. Those are my jobs. They may not seem like work to you, because we enjoy a lot of if, but trust me, it's a really big job.'
'Oh, I didn't know that. It doesn't seem like you work very hard.'
Again, I almost exploded, but instead I said, 'Thanks! If I make it look easy, then I'm doing something right! You'll understand when you're a dad. Oh, and Soren, never tell your future wife that she doesn't work hard. I'm your mom, so I forgive you, but she might not.' I kissed him and turned out the light.
I went downstairs to make a stiff drink. That's when I started to feel guilty for yelling at Bill. He didn't do anything wrong. I just had an overwhelming day and took it out on him. It wasn't fair. I sent him a text message saying exactly that and apologizing. I heard nothing back for two hours. When he finally replied, he just said, 'I love you. I'm bringing treats home.'
I almost cried. This is marriage. This is parenthood. This is homeschooling and love and challenge. This is the life I always wanted. When Bill walked in the door, we both apologized, even though he really didn't have anything to apologize for. We had a drink together and talked about our days. I wrote some more in my novel and read him a couple of pages. He then read some of his own lyrics for a song he'd written years ago. We shared our whole selves. We got back on track. This is how we do it at our house.
Tomorrow really is another day.
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